5 Stages of Grief

In her book “On Death and Dying”, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described a type of emotional journey among people who are facing death. Since she wrote this book, similar terms have been used to describe people's reactions to other major losses.

Typically, the seven stages of grief are described as:
- Shock or Disbelief
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Guilt
- Depression
- Acceptance and Hope

Sometimes, people speak of five stages of grieving, putting together:
- Shock/Disbelief and Denial
- Bargaining and Guilt

I remember reading her book many years ago when I was in college and thinking to myself those were the stages I went through before learning to love myself for who I am. I was born in 1951, before society recognized its disability community. My parents bought into this theory, and treated their children accordingly. During that era children were supposed to be perfect; but there's no such thing as perfect.

They thought that by putting hearing aides on my sister and teaching her to speak she would no longer be deaf. Therefore, they never learned sign language to communicate with her and show her that she was accepted for who she is.

I my case, when I was 14 I had surgery first on my foot so improve my gait, next on my arm to have better range and motion, and later on my eye so it wouldn't wander; of course that was supposed to cure it.

You can't cure Cerebral palsy just like you can't cure being deaf. What you can do is accept yourself for who you are and live the best quality of life within you limits. Now back to how this relates back to the 5 stages of grief.

Shock and Denial---who wants to be different than anyone else---in my case, I was the only child in the school with a disability, so I was ostracized and bullied because of it. Then when I went home there was no support system where my parents showed me love and affection----something I later realized they were both incapable of giving.

Denial---not wanting to be different than anyone else; later anger towards my parents for being incapable of giving me the love I so desperately needed.

Bargaining---questioning "why me?" because I didn't want to be different. I used to pray yo g-d not to be different and many years later realized that I had a purpose in life---to help someone else accept themselves for who they are and use my experiences to help others accept and believe in themselves.

Depression---a sadness for my early childhood. No child should ever have to be treated that way. Also a realization that even though I'm not my parents, it would be easy for me to repeat their behaviors and not wanting to have children + my guard was up because my comfort zone was to choose someone like my father who was physically abusive, and knowing I had to put up with it from my father, but I didn't have to put up with it from any other man. Sadness, for the struggle I've gone through financially because I didn't always have the same opportunities in the workplace as everyone else.

Acceptance---that has been a lifelong journey which I believe I'm still going through. Studying Psychology, Mental Health, and Rehabilitation Counseling. I was able to use this training to learn to love myself for who I am and to learn to live the best quality of life within my limitations. Each of us is unique and has something to contribute and our personalities are how we cope with it. Mine was always a high "i" or inspirational behavior pattern which allowed me to be outgoing and find the support I needed through friends. Rehabilitation Counseling is dealing with employment issues and when I couldn't find gainful employment, i made my own opportunities, with no support(encouragement) from my family and no encouragement from my Rehab. Counselor

It doesn't matter where you come from you go through these stages in your life for many reasons, not just grief over a family members illness