Don't Worry, Just Jump.

byLisaBrack

999 followers

Updated 5 years ago

What we do, why we do it, and even the order we do things in, is determined by our internal 'level of risk' monitor, which is driven by our experiences and determines our reactions.

"Oh no! I don't do that. That's not how I work." If people gave me a dollar for every time I've heard this sentence...

[In my old life, one of the things I used to do, was mentor people, and it's fair to say that I've heard it all (yes, from the sublime to the ridiculous).]

The truth is that we ALL assess situations, all the time. It's one of the things that keep us safe. Our intuition is constantly saying 'YES' to this, and 'NO' to that. And we are listening, despite the fact that we - may - sometimes, be off the mark.

But it's all we've got to work with, and so we have to use it.

Example: As a child you think you can fly, there is nothing you won't try. You get up on the roof, with your homemade superman cape on, and Dad's swimming goggles for good effect, and you jump off and break your leg. Mum scolds you all the way to Accident and Emergency to the point where you are made to understand THAT'S DANGEROUS, don't do it again, or THAT'S STUPID.

You agree, and you don't do it again.

But not primarily because of what mum said, but because of the overall experience you had; a broken leg can be a painful long, drawn-out affair.

That, combined with what YOU thought - the conclusions you came to - fed into the 'dumb/dangerous/won't be doing that again' belief.

As we grow and mature, our various experiences/conclusions add to, and eventually determine, what our acceptable level of risk is in ANY given situation; from the small and inconsequential, to the very big.

"Yes, I'll run away with you, and get married."

"Noooooo, I couldn't possibly do that! What would my parents think."

That is why some adults are timid and others fearless; some confident, others afraid. That level of risk monitor is like a thermometer reading that goes up and down depending on how hot/cold the day is, and how you feel/react to it.

It affects everything you do, want to do, including your dreams and whether or not you will act on them.

But the sad truth to all of this is that many people give up on their dreams before they've even begun.

THEY THINK THE LEVEL OF RISK IS TOO HIGH.

They come to the WA platform, sign up, look around (maybe) and then decide to throw away one of the best opportunitie they will ever find. The reasons they give themselves seem perfectly acceptable, in their minds:

• It's going to be too hard
• I'm scared
• I don't know what to do
• I can't do this
• I can't afford it
• I'll never be able to do it
• I'm not good enough
• I'm not creative
• I don't know enough
• I'm not smart enough
• I'm confused
• I thought this was going to be easier
• I thought I wouldn't have to do very much
• I thought the money was going to just be put into my bank account
• The person that told me about this, LIED - big time
• I'm not doing ALL that
• This is a scam
• This MUST be a scam
• Why don't they just give it to me for free
• This should be free
• I don't have any money
• I'm poor
• I'm disabled
• I'm (fill in the blank)

Sometimes the will to NOT participate (in something new) happens early. We are also defined by the example our parents set us. Boys usually default to their father's examples and behaviours, and girls to their mothers. Single parent families means the solo-parent example is the dominant one.

Praise the parents who got it right, and suffer the ones who didn't know better.

As children we are sometimes told various negative, and/or self-limiting, things by our well-meaning, but often largely uninformed, parents.

An artistic boy-child gets told by Dad that, "Art is stupid, you'll never make a living out of it." A girl-child, good at fixng machanical things, gets told by Mum, "You need to get an office job, which is suitable for a girl, because it's nice and clean, and you'll be able to wear pretty dresses to work."

None of it feeds into what the child actually wants to do with their life. Often they give up their dreams as a result.

Fast-forward twenty odd years, now you're the parent, passing on all your early-life conditioning to your kids. You have to study, you have to go to college, you have to get a job. Really?

You think your life is going along pefectly well until your spouse up and leaves you, and life - as you knew it - takes a nose dive.

You thought your life was on-track, when in reality, it wasn't, only you couldn't see it. Because of your 'level of risk' monitor, combined with your early-life mum/dad conditioning, you found a comfortable/boring little hollow to climb into, and there you stayed, because it was safe. It fit the parameters you had set for yourself. There's that boring versus brave thing again. Only your spouse didn't agree, your dreams didn't match, and they left.

Dreams don't always die when you're a child. It can happen as we age. People get older, and they get tired, which they attribute to old age and impending infirmity. But what if it was happening because you'd lost track of your dreams? What if it was happening because you'd forgotten about that exciting and exhilirating time when you jumped off the roof?

It's sad when a dream dies. Sadder still if you didn't notice.

But I'm not creative. Of course you are. Everybody is. You are creating your life, every nano-second of the time that you are living it. You just don't know it.

Scientists have now come to the realisation that everything is energy and as human beings we create as we go, which is why all our lives unfold in many, varied ways. No two lives are ever mirror-images of another. They can be close, as with twins, but never exactly the same.

But I'm not creative and I don't know what I'm doing. Really?

Well, you just reinforced the not creative statement with another; and I don't know what I'm doing. Which is creative in itself.

Creativity is linked to dreams, to imagination, to exploration. Which is why children are great risk-takers.

Many's the time I stood - fearlessly - on the back of my brother's trolley, clinging on for dear life, as we hurtled along the concrete pavement, flying through the air, to hit the downward slope of the footpath, which gave us that extra exciting momentum, propelling us forward to land crashingly intact outside our front gate.

Would I do it now? God no! But as a child I was fearless and brave beyond adult comprehension.

To try and stifle your natural inclination to be creative is to try and not breathe. And as adults it's important that we don't do that to ourselves.

Yet, people continue to be afraid.

• People might judge me
• What if I fail
• My family might not like it
• My friends might think I'm stupid
• I've already failed before...
• I'm scared to try again
• I've got no discipline
• I'll never do it
• My friends and family won't understand
• I don't want to be wrong
• It's not guaranteed
• I might get bored
• I always give up too soon
• Why bother

Being afraid is perfectly acceptable. Most of us are afraid of something. We are just not always aware of what that 'something' is or why we are afraid.

If you want self-improvement then it is vital to be constantly 'self reflective' or, develop the ability to 'unpick' something you have thought. It is healthy to constantly challenge the things we think about. Our belief structure, the stuff we say. I open my mouth and it's my mother speaking.

I do the 'Bathroom Mirror Trick'. I have a problem. Something has not gone well. Or, I have argued with someone and then fallen out with them. Or... (fill in the blank).

I know I need to get to the bottom of this current stupidity that I am participating in. Yes, we ALL do this, regardless of age and position in life.

I go into the bathroom, look myself firmly in the mirror and say something like... Well, that was stupid wasn't it? And then go from there. Owning the problem is what this is all about because to own it is to unpick it - understand it - and then fix it.

OK, I've joined WA, I'm half-way through my studies... I've spent ALL THIS MONEY... I don't think I want to do this, now... I've got myself in too deep... I don't know what I'm doing...

Or, as a dear teenage friend once said to me, "Ok, clever-tits, what now?" It was blunt, but effective, and as you can see, has stayed with me ever since.

The point is, it's important to question and challenge our thoughts and behaviours/attitudes to everything we are thinking and doing, at any given moment in our day-to-day lives, because self-knowledge is powerful when used properly.

But, what we think and believe is just stuff that we have acquired along the way, and nobody will die because you change your mind.

I call it 'internal op-shopping' and - often - It looked like a bargain buy at the time. I have this beautiful blue jug that I acquired. It was cheap - as in FREE - and I loved the colour, still do. I could see it on my window ledge filled with flowers. When I got it home, and filled it with water it leaked, all over my sink. Bummer.

Was it important? Only at the time, for a full five minutes. Now it collects pens and dust and sits happily on my windowsill minus the flowers.

KNOW WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT AND KNOW WHEN YOU'RE WRONG

Sometimes you have to replace the things you have (thoughts/attitudes) with things that work for you, as opposed to things that you 'think' work for you.

IT'S IMPORTANT TO SEARCH BUT NOT SUFFER (something for the sake of others). Don't get caught up in what other people think, stay true to yourself and follow YOUR dreams, not theirs.

IT'S IMPORTANT TO SAMPLE BUT NOT SUFFOCATE (an opportunity because of fear). If WA isn't right for you, then by all means leave. But work out why first, or you are never going to feel happy and satisfied about the decisions you make. This applies to everything.

Human beings are creative by nature, despite our early conditioning and our 'level of risk' monitor. It is possible to step outside of ourselves at any given time in our lives and create our dreams anew, you just have to be willing to jump.

Thank you for reading this.

Catch you on the flip side.