Life's Little Detours Pt. 3 - Overcoming a Negative Mindset

Although I was not born to a dysfunctional family as Joseph was, my family was full of problems. As I was growing up, I had an ambition to become somebody, but all the odds were against me and so I was frustrated. Consequently, I became very naughty as a way to fight my frustrations. If I was not having fun, I was doing some mischief.

I wanted something, but I did not know what, where, or how to get it. In Grade six; I was introduced to drinking and smoking.The first time I tried to smoke, I coughed so seriously I almost quit, but with the encouragement of my peers I kept at it. Then, I was introduced to the local brew. I remember my fears when I first went to the local brew joint. The place was so dark that I could not see who was there or the color of the drink. For years I have struggled to understand what attracted me to that place. It was neither the excitement of those who were drank nor the feeling of being above the world, but the pursuit for acceptance. The first time I felt accepted was when I went to that drinking joint

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As a student, I was way below average, an added disadvantage to my already starved self-esteem. So, I was looking for acceptance wherever it could be found. In my life, I have a train of broken relationships, probably due to my poor self-esteem. Every time a relationship broke I was left devastated. However, the worst experience was not a broken relationship. It was the death of my girlfriend, during my high school years. She died in a road accident. I was left cold and empty. My conclusion at that time, the spirits did not want us to have fun.

You see, I grew up within a worldview in which every misfortune was explained in terms of the spirits or witchcraft: from poverty, disease, lack of rain, poor harvest, to the minutest of accidents.(Many of my western friends find very hard to understand this worldview). In fact, as we were growing up, we were told never to trust anybody. Even now, as an adult, I find it very difficult to trust anyone until they prove themselves trustworthy.

My parents were traditional Africans by all possible standards. My mom was the daughter of a witch-doctor and my father a devotee to traditional African practices. African traditionalism defined our very lives. This included pouring libations to the ancestors and making occasional sacrifices to the spirits.

I am told when my mother was expectant with me, a witch tried to kill her be she survived. After I was born, the same witch tried to kill me, but shes could not. The witch was determined to destroy me, but why she could not. Why she could not is something that cannot be explained on a human level. It can only be understood as part of a divine plan. The words of Jesus to his disciples in John 9:1-3 are helpful here. “As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ ‘Neither this man nor his parents sinned,’ said Jesus, ‘but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.’”

When you understand divine guidance, it doesn’t matter what happens in your life. You may be frustrated by life’s little detours, but you know there is a divine hand in action. When life seems to be handing you a lot of lemons, instead of becoming bitter, frustrated, and depressed you can joyfully make a lot of lemonade. This is a lesson I learned, though late in life, but it has proven very beneficial in pursuing my dream.

Why am I babbling and telling you all these? I want to challenge you to maintain a positive attitude in facing the challenges of life because there is a power beyond all these challenges and that power is God and he is greater than any trouble we may ever face. As the song writer put it, “Because He lives I can face tomorrow, because He lives all fear is gone, because I know, He holds my future and life is worth the living just because He lives.” On top of that, he has given me a dream and I will pursue it relentlessly. Are you pursuing yours?

To be continued . . .