So very tired, depression is winning today.

Please, take note... this is an emotional unload as much as anything else, but I need to write it out hefore I fall apart entirely.

KIDS ARE EXHAUSTING.

I am home alone this morning with the three youngest, while the three older ones went to church with mom.

I woke up craving affection and attention. It's a problem I deal with, yeah, I know therein lay pitfalls of unimaginable magnitude.

Our life with kids is stupid busy, and I have a four year old girl who is extra needy, as well as a one year old that won't sleep alone yet. So no special time as adults to recharge, and no alone time to decompress for myself. Heck, I can't even carve out 30 minutes to go life weights alone because my wife has so many 'other' things on the go that I cannot ever be unavailable. If I want to -anything- it is with a toddler and a four year old in tow, or it's not happening, which removes anything I know how to do for my own mental health.

What am I to do? I feel empty, which translates into feeling hungry, which hinders my healthy eating focus, and on the cycle goes.

Today, I live in a state of despair, feeling like nothing will ever feel good ever again. Add financial distress and the miserable state of our world and its all I can do to not curl up and sob myself to sleep.

sorry for venting. Now I have to go get kids ready to go to a church picnic where I will be in charge of them and still unable to connect with peers and maybe feel better about life. It never ends, and I see no hope for the future ever improving.

Pray for me I guess? I don't know.