Selfless or Selfish?

Here is a question to ponder, ‘Are you selfless or selfish? The perils of our existence boils down to your answer to that question.

If you are not in the place where you want to be, the choice to this question may seen difficult to answer.

Time after time, you have encountered family, friends, or other approaching with their hands out.

Are you reluctant to comply? Do you find yourself avoiding them? Do you see it repetitive behavior?

Although it may be difficult to refuse them, do you always comply with the request?

What Does It Mean When You Say Someone Is Selfless?

Selfless is simply the act of putting the needs of someone else before your own. The act of thinking less about yourself and more about the needs of others.

When acting selfless, you are generous and kind to everyone including the stranger you just passed on the street.

Tending to a unknown child who just fell and hurt themselves walking down the street.

Placing your last five dollars in the cup of a homeless person or street performer as you race down the sidewalk.

Being late for a job interview because you helped an elderly person who was in dire need.

Selfless acts can be both small incidents or large. Nonetheless, these acts are done from the heart.

There is an argument, as sited by Rebecca Crespo, that suggest that because you receive an emotional type stimulation fo you act of kindness, true selflessness does not exist.

In my opinion, gaining a feeling of joy for performing an act of kindness is NOT a reward.

That warm feeling is an accolade that is within you. It is not something given in exchange for your deed.

What Is The Meaning Of Selfish?

Selfish is the exact opposite of selfless. When you are devoted only to yourself is a sign of being selfish.

The lack of concern for others who are in need can be a form of selfishness. Many people mask selfishness with self preservation.

It is all about me!

How can I part with my last when I may have a need later on? It is not my responsibility to take care of others.

That is how many of us live this very day. I will not give that vagrant my last five buck because they’re only going to buy alcohol or drugs with it.

I have found myself pondering those thoughts from time to time. However, my concern should stop once the help is given.

According to a Yale study, many selfish people tend to forget their selfishness. This study states that volunteers were asked to dole out a pot of money.

The volunteers could not remember the people that they were stingy to, but could suggest they gave more than they did.

How do you forget the help that you give someone? The short answer is that you do not. Perhaps you are too embarrassed to admit your prejudice.

The article, “7 Traits of Selfish People” identifies indicators of selfish people:

1. The do not show weakness or vulnerability
2. The do not accept constructive criticism
3. They believe they deserve everything
4. They do not listen to those who do not agree with them
5. They criticize others behind their backs
6. The exaggerate their achievements
7. They are scared of taking risks

WOW They describe me to ’T’!

Not really, I am far from anything listed above. Lord knows, at least I hope that I am.

Can A Person Be Both Selfless And Selfish At The Same Time?

Simultaneously being both selfish and selfless sounds exhausting. Nevertheless, there are valid arguments for both sides.

Those who say that you cannot hold that you can only be one or the other. Being both is contradictory.

However, let’s look at two scenarios:

Scenario #1 - You take a group of children to the local fair. Two of the children are yours and you gave them $20 each for tickets and treats.

The other parents gave the same amount to their children. Once at the park, you learn that $20 will not be enough for tickets and treats.

You give your children the extra cash needed, but not to the other children.

Are you being selfish?

Scenario #2 - Same exact scenario as the first one; however, you divide the remaining money that you have between all of the children.

Are you being selfless?

Scenario #1 feels selfish, but are you really expected to empty your pocket for children that are not your own?

Would you feel guilty for not doing so?

Scenario #2 could be a bit confusing. Did you divide the money evenly because you felt guilty?

Perhaps, but that would not prevent it from being a selfless act.

Something to think about!

Yes, You Can Be Both Selfless And Selfish At The Same Time

Although the proposition of being selfless and selfish at the same time is complex to decipher, it is possible.

Think about it because some of us are doing it everyday. We strike a balance between our personal life and our business.

According to Professor Muhammad Yunis, it is very possible to be selfless and selfish at the same time.

His theory is that “it is essential to balance the psychological needs of yourself, family and others,” as quoted by Jason at Square Holes.

In my opinion, this means that although we build for ourselves and others, we will not compromise our personal needs for the sake of those same others.

Regardless of the perceived circumstances!

Being compassionate, we would give the shirts off our backs; the shoes from our feet, and the last coins, all the way down to the lent, from our pockets.

However, in that same instance, we would be selfish if those gifts would do our family harm.

In Conclusion

To sum things up, it is a slim circumstance between being selfless and selfish. We acknowledge that selflessness is achieved by putting the needs of others before our own matter the cost.

The acts of kindness are often repaid ten-fold; nevertheless, being repaid is not an expectation.

Consequently, at the opposite end of the spectrum is selfishness. The point at which we come first regardless of the circumstances.

Karma has a way of shining good fortune for good deed; in addition, that double-edged sword burns for the opposite action.

Showing kindness and doing good by others rarely costs us more than we can afford to give.

Think about that the next time you scroll through you emails and skip over or respond harshly to a co-member’s posts.

Or when you choose to avoid helping someone with a problem.

Remember to be as selfless as possible. Yes, some people will abuse the privilege; however, you cannot concern yourself with their actions.

And I close out by saying, we need what we need!

If we keep our minds right, we can keep our bodies tight!

Join me and let us make sense of it all! We can do it together.

If you have not done so already, please read the previous topics to benefit from the information.

Feel free to reach out in the space below. I welcome the opportunity to have a discussion with you.

To your success and growth,

Canty