Moods And Outlook can Change So Dramatically
I am by nature an optimist. I am naturally happy to enjoy little things like a nice cold drink when I am hot, a warm gush of air when I open the oven door if am cold. I get total joy from the song of a bird or a gorgeous sunset or the sound of wind in the leaves. I am happy to see pretty clouds in the sky and always think ahead to all the interesting things I want to do and see.
So, when I feel down it is certainly not my usual state. I know when I get sick I tend to get a bit depressed. All the challanges, strains and things I can't do because of my health conditions weigh on me. I worry about the future and what other limitations I will encounter like how long I can keep my job. At least I have learned this is just what happens whenever I get a virus from whatever seasonal gunk is going around. I just need to remind myself it will pass and life will look totally different on the other side.
It does not help that we are in the middle of the Alaskan winter and hours of daylight and opportunities to get outside in the dark and cold get severly limited. You can go days without seeing the sun especially if it is cloudy going to work in the morning because it is dark already when I get off work. We are gaining 6 minutes of sunlight a day though so it won't be long until the long days of summer are here. In the middle of summer it doesn't get dark at all here, just dusky. Hopefully it won't be so hot this summer since the heat is even more limiting for me than the cold. Hopefully my husband's new job won't keep him traveling all summer. Hopefully our friends and family won't need too much of our time so I can grasp the tiny bits of time I can scratch out of life to finally get outside. I feel like a prisoner living in an apartment building (with no south facing windows in our unit) and going to work every day, then dealing with rentals, doing chores and goind to bed to do the same thing the next day month after month. I grew up outside all the time so this life of concrete, looking at neighbors 25 feet away and going in and out of a car, an office, stores etc. is not life for me. I miss living on a lake, by a huge mountain and a mile wide river, having huge gardens where even chores meant being outside with the birds in the breeze listening to the rush of the river echoing off the mountains and seeing hawks and hummingbirds, swans on the lake and warblers in the trees.
If you have a loved one who is feeling down it is that much harder. That is something I know about. I need to keep myself up so I don't get too depressed too. I have family to support me though. I am lucky. I don't know how people manage who live alone. I can't imagine.