Today was my birthday, and it also happened to be a very emotional day for me. The day started off fine. I went into work as usual, and put in my hours for my manager who asked me to come in even though he originally gave me the day off.
The bakery was pretty busy but it was my birthday so I just let everything roll off. (If only I could do that all the time :P)
It wasn't until later on this evening that I began thinking about a girl that I have been trying to let go of. A long story, but my main point is that it's hard to let go of something that you really care about. Something that is really important to you, but you know you have to move on because it's the right thing to do.
In this case, we aren't emotionally on the same wavelength, and it's very hard for me to come to terms with it because I really like her. I have not really felt this way about a female since I was 18 years old. I'm 28 today. It's hard for me to find that woman who I'm both physically and emotionally connected with. She has been that person.
The vibe that we both have created with eachother has been amazing and effortless. There is no drama. And that's why it's so difficult for me to let it go.
My grandmother is visiting for Christmas, and we were all downstairs eating. I approached the table with a heavy heart and sat down. I wasn't really in the mood to celebrate. After a minute or two my Grandmother says "Boy for someone who's having a birthday you don't look too happy!"
A minute or two passed and my mom said "What's wrong?" That is around the time where I lost it. I just broke down and started bawling my eyes out. She came over and held me and said "What's wrong?" And in between tears I explained to her the situation.
What really resonated with me was that she knew exactly where I was coming from. She finished my sentences and was basically reading my mind. I could not believe it. To have my mother there for me at that moment meant the world to me.
She told me everything would be alright and that I would get over it. She harkened back to the many times in her life when she was in the exact same situation. She comforted me and assured me that I would find someone. She also urged me to send the email that I was conflicted about sending to the woman in question (we will call her H).
I still have not sent it yet. What am I waiting for?