We Are not Made The Same.
This is a lesson that, no matter how many times I learn I always manage to forget. I guess that is how I am made. To be able to always forget, Because I can, I can easily bounce back. Though it has some great perks, it also has the worst cons. Because I forget I could end up doing the same mistake for life and that is insanity.
We are all made differently which means we are bound to disagree ague and hurt each other by just being ourselves.
Does that mean we have to change?
I have seen many people who could have benefited from a little change but they chose not to. It is their choice after all. And could also be their strength. To be unwavering, not willing to change for anyone could be a strength, at the same time, a weakness as some change could have helped an individual.
Now, what is the best thing to do?
I think being yourself is the best you can be whether you change or not, forgive or forget. It is you and what is worse than not loving and being valuable in who you are? I saw myself change for many reasons. Trying to be good has been my fall. Even though tried so hard I would still be seen as manipulative and a backstabber. I would be so heartbroken thinking was being good now why have I seen a bad person.
I have heard that too much of anything could be harmful. Everything in moderation. I forget each time and bee too much of me. I have been told it is fine everyone goes through that but I think it is everyone like me who does, not generally everyone.
The truth could be that those who do not hurt are quietly looking as we confess our ability to express emotions. Not that it is a bad thing. But if you think of it - Have you ever tried to please both your friends and your parents? You can't ever unless you reach a balance and draw your limits to both sides. Lover and Friends drawing limits work for you but some would go to points of ending their relationships with their friends just to please their family of lovers or vice versa.
Eighter way you could end up losing one or the other. I tell you the unwavering ones get to keep all they want. I would like to be unwavering but something says those who remain together in Family, Friendship, Relationship is because of the wavering ones. When everyone is unwavering then no one would remain together?
We then speak of compromise, for me that is just the methods used by the unwavering to keep control of the wavering. Make them think they are also getting the benefit of a relationship while they don't.
I once convinced myself that we take turns being the wavering and the unwavering. That could be true and we could have reached some kind of balance. How would you prove that?
It feels hopeless, as I do not have these answers but I have some awareness of such behaviors.
In an attempt to get to the bottom of it.
I have been unwavering and that seemed like a weakness because when I was like that I ended everything, work, friendship, ties were broken. Here is how It goes - The people you visit are in your life because you visit them and so Are the people they visit. It is like a chain but if you stop visiting because they never visit you then you real the chain. Break enough chains you will end up visiting no one and no one coming to you.
I can't make excuses for the unwavering ones but each time I would decide to start visiting again they would say "you stopped visiting" as if they ever visited me. It is some conundrum.
Do you change to fit people into your life or are you holding on to people not willing to make an effort and will never make one, just so you are not alone?
Are you the wavering one or are you the unwavering one?
It is time to make a choice.
Keep changing to have people in your life or never change push all the unwavering people out of your circle. They say for every door your close one more opens up. This is while some doors open from the inside.
You are welcome.
Thank you for taking the time to read, Like, Share and Comment.
Yours
Ntlhane
Recent Comments
27
Hi Ntlhane! Another very insightful post. I struggle to find the right thing to say.
I think people do change whether they are trying or not. Do you agree or disagree? Some things change as people gain wisdom or maturity or experience life, and some things don't change because that person might be set in their ways or not know they are hurting someone else or not care.
Even now, I want to be better than I am in some ways, and in other ways, I like who I am and am not moved by what people think of me, good or bad.
I also imagine people mostly think badly of me or worse, never think of me at all, and that is something I wish I didn't imagine. I will even go as far as to say it might be a lie, but why would I believe a lie on purpose?
You Ntlhane are a deep thinker. Do you like philosophy? I do. Philosophers seem to be deep thinkers but sometimes they think way deeper than I do. My brother is a good example.
I am accused of being in my head too much, being too hard on myself, or being contemplative. I say I'm just being me.
You seem to be focused on the visiting thing. I'm not sure I understand the situation, but let me just say that some people don't realize they aren't making an effort. All they see is that you aren't. I'm a good example.
One day in high school, I was complaining to my mom that nobody called me to do anything. And she said, "Well, did you call anyone?" That always stuck with me because the answer was no, I hadn't. It honestly didn't occur to me to be the first one to call.
I realize, even to this day, it is very hard for me to call or suggest to do something (or visit). I prefer to wait for someone else to ask first or make the first move. Does that make me a bad person? I don't think so. It just means when no one asks or calls or visits, I can't be upset. And if they are upset with me, that's on them.
It sounds like you are in the other position, you are the one who makes the first move and you are getting tired of it. And yet you feel compelled. I don't know what to tell you except not to feel obligated. Because having an unrealistic expectation hurts you more than it hurts the other person (I think). And the other person might be like me. On the other hand, if you do it out of love, you can't be upset.
I guess I did have something to say after all lol
Lynn
Thank you for your wonderful response Lynn.
Yes, we do change as people whether we know it or not and whether it is for the greater good or for the worst.
You can imagine, an unwavering individual say I won't bend for anyone, their change will be from a little unwavering to extremely unwavering. If this was in a bad way they become worse.
The person who changes to compromise themselves their change is twofold. They become wiser in their doing and gain new skills/ Aptitude. To lose a bit of yourself takes sacrifice, you are concerned about both you and your friend. For and unwavering, they are more concerned about their existence and no one else.
I have shown interest in Phylosofic and Theologic approaches in life.
Your Mom is a good teacher if we have that kind of upbringing we are more inclined to be able to compromise for the sake of the great good. But some things can not be changed, the essence of what you are about. Say being contemplative how would you change that?
You will only feel bad about who you are if you try to change your inner workings. I have tried only to hate the person that emerged. I might not say I won't bend for anyone, but my body will say that on my behalf.
Thank you for taking the time to visit.
Ntlhane
Hello Ntlhane,
I'd like to just let you know that
love is stronger than justice.
Sting said that, and it is perfectly true.
So if you feel that you have been
"unjusted" and are looking for 'justice',
you may be looking for the wrong thing.
What would happen if you sought love
instead? And what would happen if you
gave love instead of seeking it?
This might require a bit of forgiveness.
Yet if you start with yourself--if you begin
by forgiving yourself for all the things you
may have done that was not okay with
another, you will find it much easier to
forgive another for what was done that
is not okay with you.
It's just a thought...
Thank you, Ntlhane so much.
God be with you always in all ways.
Much love,
Elizabeth
Nithane, a pretty insightful post! We are all members of the human race and so we have some commonalities that bind us together but we also have our individualities that separate us from the pack.
To keep relationships going, we need the ability to compromise and be flexible. as long as it does not infringe on our principles.
However, respect has to be reciprocal.
Thanks for sharing.
WoW... nice post, very deep and insightful. Some parts mirrors my own life, which brings me to believe although we may not be the same genetically, when it comes to emotions and basic human needs, we are more alike than we are different.
Thanks for sharing Ntlhane, I really appreciate your views.
Melanie
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Hi Ntlhane,
Great post! You have touched on some very deep matters in this post. Indeed, we should always be ourselves. It is important to have many friends from all differenet walks of life. They will all serve different purposes in our lives.
Have a great weekend! Wishing you the very best!
Kind regards,
Nichola
Thank you, Nichola, I will definitely have a great weekend. I wish you a lovely one too.
Ntlhane
You are welcome. Thank you!