56,377 Reasons For Google to Index Me (A Fairytale)
Once upon a time there was a beautiful and handsome prince called Partha (look I’m telling the story, so I can be whatever I want, okay?)
Everywhere the beautiful prince Partha went he travelled with his faithful horse, Wordpress.
He wanted Wordpress (the horse remember) to be wise, so each and every day (except last Saturday, the prince went to a social distanced party on Friday evening and got very drunk and had a terrible hangover the following day - so he did no work whatsoever, but lay on his couch, sorry I mean throne, while feeling very sorry for himself, and getting shouted at by the wicked princess) the prince would narrate various stories of wonderment.
In fact, since the 1st October, the prince had told 56,377 words of stories to Wordpress to be precise.
However, the prince and all others in the kingdom were at the mercy of the evil dark lord, Google.
Google listed all the stories told in the kingdom on the walls of his ancient castle and occasionally rewarded people for their awesome stories (I guess the evil dark lord Google isn’t ALL BAD).
The evil dark lord Google named this “indexing”.
Google acted as though he owned the entire kingdom and everyone who lived there were treated as peasants (including the beautiful prince).
The evil dark lord, Google had decided to banish the telling of stories for a while, well not so much the telling of stories, but listing them on the walls of his ancient castle, or so the handsome prince thought.
The prince had heard mutterings of peasants in the kingdom (and even great lords like Michael of Lesabre) having their stories once again listed on the ancient walls of Google’s castle.
In fact, even newcomers to the kingdom, some who had only been here 14 days, told of their excitement of being listed on the ancient walls of Google’s castle.
But alas, the handsome prince had been ignored by the evil dark lord Google ever since 30th September 2020.
The prince is still holding out hope that the castle walls will once again be adorned with his stories.
For now, he feels sad, and the handsome prince and his trusty horse, Wordpress are currently not living happily ever after.
THE END
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Did the beautiful, handsome prince Partha not pay homage to the dark lord? Perhaps the dark lord (I feel like I'm in a Harry Potter script now, lol) needs to send more of his minions to crawl his castle walls and decipher the many addresses of the lordships (and ladyships). When his minions find your whereabouts, I am sure that Wordpress will race back to you, carrying the scrolls of Lord Google's indexing proof.
So, do not give up the fight. Pick up that sword and let ink flow out of its tip, adding more words to the 56,377 you have already offered to the dark lord.
Countess Christine I often pay homage and deep respect to the dark evil lord Google, and often I am lucky enough for his respect in return.
I will of course continue to tell my trusty steed, Wordpress, many more stories, although the 56,377 words of stories is merely what I have regaled in the last 22 days (this doth not include the many more words of stories previously told).
A horse can only listen to so many stories.
I know the feeling...
That "Google" Dark Lord, used to be in love with my horse as well... in fact, I believe they had a serious (gayish) affair for quite some months... sending over 1500 letters per day...
I was ok with it, since I don't discriminate, in fact, I find relationships between horses and Dark Lords amusing, no matter what!
But suddenly one day, in fact, it was more like overnight more precisely on May 4th.... he's been ignoring my horse.
What I can tell from this is that stories between dark lords and horses don't end well!
;)
Cheers
Ah Sir Pedro, May the 4th be with you.
This is most peculiar even for the evil dark lord, Google.
I hope and pray that your horse has not been boxed in sand.
Hers's hoping that alls well that ends well.
Prince Partha,
I must say you have quite the talent for presenting a captivating story.
Google tries to make us feel like it does own the kingdom, but there is an silent, but just as powerful giant out there called Bing.
I hope the Prince will be at the party tonight wearing his armour and brandishing a sword in one hand, and bottle of rum in the other. Strictly for bribery purposes. (Give or take).
The handsome Prince should not feel sad anymore. Mount that stallion Wordpress, and lead us to victory over the dark lord Google.
Hail Prince Partha,
Your humble servant,
Michael
Ahh, dear Lord Michael of Lesabre, please allow me to bestow upon on the news that I have recently bequeathed to our noble Queen Scorpio.
"The prince made a fatal "rookie error" in the telling of his stories from his latest book.
He did created said book many, many months ago, but allowed it to languish in the depths of hell until 2nd September.
Ever since then he has told his trusty steed, Wordpress, a story a day (barring the fateful Saturday).
His stories have been shared with numerous Dukes, including Duke Facebook, Duke Twitter, Duke Pinterest, Duke Linkedin, and even Duke Mixx and Duke MeWe.
The evil dark lord Google has received many of the prince's stories throughout September.
Suddenly on 19th October the prince realised the error of his ways, and did bequeath his sitemap to Lord Bing, and has sumbitted 10 stories a day ever since."
STAR WARS--Google would be the Evil Empire!
Bing would be akin to the Rebel Alliance, or the good guys in the movie!
Prince Partha,
Our noble Queen Scorpio is strong, knowledgable and powerful. Twas a wise choice to bequeath the responsibility onto her. Let the dark lord Google be wary of her, for she has conquered that what is mighter.
A rookie mistake my brother we are all guilty of, and if they decide to flog you in public I shall condem this act of vulgarity,for they do not know what they are doing.
The stories were shared with Duke MeWe, he is not popular in our kingdom but alas, we need all the support we may gather.
The dark lord will come to his senses, and an indexing we will go, hai ho a merry O a indexing we will go.
Be patient my brother, Queen Scorpio will prevail.
I shall search the jungle for the herbal roots that will ease the pain from the flogging those evil followers of the lord Google are planning for you, when the sun reaches it's peak.
We are conquerors and we shall win.
My brother Jeff, it is time for us to witness a good movie. Princess Keishalina will bring the buttered popcorn, and the kingdom will rejoice.
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Good morning Fair Prince Partha, of Castle Bournemouth,
This is Lady Cordelia from the ivory towers of Brighton Citidadel. I am pleased to see and hear you survived the presence of the wicked ”Storm Barbara” last night...she displayed some incredibly unruly behaviour.
Handsome Prince, it is only a matter of time before Evil Dark Lord Google will be beguiled and swayed by your consistent and continual goodness. Lord Google, his minions, his robots, will one day (soon) doff their caps and say ”Hail to you Handsome Prince” your words have left us speechless and humble.
Handsome Prince just keep walking the forest, cutting down the thorns and bushes in your path and one day soon you and your subjects will all be able to read and hear your stories on the Tower walls of Index
🏹🧹
Countess Cordelia,
George was indeed a right pain in the royal posterior last evening, which was not improved any by the prince forgeting the "additonal hour" bequeathed upon us.
The prince understands that patience is a virtue with all matters concerning the dark evil lord Google, but every once in a while the handsome prince wishes that the dark evil lord would pull his finger out.
Future stories of this thing we call indexing will soon be told.
👺🤛