Are we good parents?

Are we doing a good enough job as parents?

When I grew up, my parents did the best they could. They gave me all the love I could possibly want and they were there for me whenever I needed them. They were patient and caring and I never felt alone or unsecure.

My wife and kids

My parents were proud of me, and they were proud of themselves. They had a healthy and happy son and that was enough for them and when later my sister was born, their joy was doubled.

Every morning they would prepare our lunchboxes and I was basically happy with what I got. The clothes they gave me fitted the weather and I was never too cold or too warm.

Sometimes we ate odd hours, and we were allowed to be out a little later then children today and sometimes we played in places that literally would have made today’s parents immediately call the police or social services. But somehow we survived, arms and legs intact.

Yesterday, when I was picking up my daughter at her kindergarten, I had managed to turn up just about the same time as five of the other parents.

There we were, six grownups in a very limited space trying to get our toddlers to sit still, so that we could get them in to their boots and overalls and at the same time trying to look calm and patient, like good parents are supposed to, at all times.

My daughter Victoria having fun

Suddenly one of the three year olds starts singing, it was the song we all knew from the morning show on the children’s channel (one of those silly jingles for kids that can spin around in your head for days).

Almost immediately the mother shushed her little daughter, her face looking as red as a tomato, she apologized while shaking her head, saying she had absolutely no idea where her daughter had heard that song.

But it was too late and she knew it. The truth was out there. She tried to smile, but it was obvious to everyone, what kind of a parent she was. One of those, who lets her child watch TV in the morning. Just like that, with a cute little song, her whole reputation as a good parent lay shattered between the shoes, gloves and overalls on the floor.

She looked devastated, as if everyone in the room had judged her, the worst parent ever.

At this point I decided it was time to step in and save what little shred of dignity she had left.

“It’s the song from the morning show on the children’s channel, my children watch it when we have time.”

You could literally see the weight being lifted off her shoulders, as she sent me a discreet "thank you" smile; maybe she wasn’t the perfect parent but at least she wasn’t alone.

You see, this episode is an excellent example, of how tough it is to be a parent today, especially if you don’t have the means or that surplus of energy that it takes to always be one step ahead of your child.

Parents today have, not only the wellbeing of their child to worry about, but also the scrutinizing looks of those around us.

Healthy Lunchbox

Today, making a lunchbox for your child not only has to satisfy the child. Just imagine a kindergarten teacher noticing that the content of your child’s box doesn’t include as much as a single vegetable or fruit? Disaster! You must not care about your child’s well being.

So you cut some pieces of cucumber or carrot and put it in there, (although you know your child probably won’t eat it) and now you’ve shown what a good and caring parent you are and earned a few extra points at the teacher’s. We will go to incredible lengths to show everyone else the good, caring and capable parents we are.

So, is being a parent today better than it was back when we were kids? And is being a kid better than it used to be?

There has been a lot of progress, no doubt about that. With the internet, cell phones, 24 hour TV + Netflix and Viaplay etc. we and our children have more alternatives than ever before. But is it all good?

Personally, I am glad that I grew up in the eighties and nineties, because in spite of all these alternatives, kids have never been as bored and lazy, as they are today.

With progress comes dependability. How many of us, let alone society, could cope without the internet or cell phones today?

When I told my class of ten year olds at the school I work that when I was their age, we only had two channels to choose from on the television, they were shocked. And when I told them we didn’t have remote controls back then either, they literally wouldn’t believe me.

Imagine having to get up from the sofa and walk all the way to the television just to turn up the volume? Of course, we didn’t have the unimaginable problem of having to get up to change channels all the time, since we only had the two to choose between.

"So what did you do when you couldn’t watch TV?" someone asked.

Personally I played a lot of football, read books and comics and actually played with the toys I had.

I then asked what they would do if they didn’t have TV.

Today's toys?

“Play on my computer.”

What if you didn’t have any computer?

“Play videogames.”

No videogames either.

“Play on my mobile.”

No mobiles.

“What?! Then how did you communicate with our friends?”

We actually talked, face to face.

“How did you tell your friend if you were late or couldn’t come to an appointment?”

Well, we made sure we weren’t late and if you made an appointment, you stuck with it.

After talking back and forth for a while, the conclusion among the pupils, was that life must have been much harder back then.

Ironically enough, I think it was much simpler.

Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

A great day to you all

Øssur