Letting Go
I have wondered how in the world I made it through 2013 and 2015. I must say I am glad that we don't know what is coming ahead of us. I have had a lot of battles to go through. As the year 2013 ended, I buried my husband whom I was married to for 28 years. Robert, had cancer 1st in the prostate then it developed in the urinary tract and it spread to his bones. I really thought that he would survive! It was one of the worse things I had ever gone through. Chemotherapy was the only answer, but it makes the patient so weak, and nauseated. As you sit in the room with all the patients being hooked up, one can't help to wonder whom will not make it to the next session. It gives you an insight to how precious life is. It At the end, as you watch every breath that your love one takes, and wondering if this is the last one. I didn't want to leave his side, but the moment I left the room he went to see the Lord. As he was dying, he would raise his arms and mumble words, and I know he was eighter seeing loved ones waiting, or Jesus. He would tell me its not time, yet. My life changed so much and wasn't prepared at all.
As time went by, I found someone very special that I met on a dating site. I got to spend from February 2015 to December 2015. He was very good to me. He was from Lincolnton, Georgia. He was married before and was a father of five children. I got to meet his daughter Kim who accepted me with open arms. Chris loved to fish and we spend a lot of time fishing. I cant believe he actually got me into a kayak. I never thought I would ever do that. He was a patient man. In December, he was complaining that his chest felt like the wind was going through it. Chris had his heart check out, and came back with good results. December 25th we opened presents we had a good Christmas and as he was taking out the trash, he collapsed he had a massive heart attack. I was crying and trying to revive him. I must say people passing by did stop and tried to help. Chris, was purple before the ambulance arrived. I knew this wasn't good news at all. At this point, I had to call his daughter this was very upsetting for me and of course to his daughter.
April 2015, I had to say good-bye to my Mom. My mom was my best friend, my everything. She was being hospilized with sepsis. She had a urinary infection that went into her bloodstream. My world fell apart at that moment. The doctors were going to let her go home on that Wednesday, but she died on Monday night. My Mom had a history of heart problems. Monday night she code blue three times and the Doctors and nurses tried to save her. As, I watched them give her cpr the third time I knew I had to let her go. I miss her so much. I don't know how I have made it, but I know without "Jesus", I wouldn't be able to. My Mom always said, I was so strong, and we had several conversations about her dying. I know she didn't want to leave me, but it was her time to go to heaven. I know her, Robert and Chris must be looking down and watching out for me.
Recent Comments
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God bless and keep you. I know what it is like to lose loved ones. I lost five family members in close succession, it's very painful. Your post is so moving, and my heart goes out to you.
Thank you, I'm so sorry for your loss. I thought I lost a lot that is a lot. I guess we just have to be strong and accept it and go on.
I lost my mom and sister very unexpectedly within 6 days of each other so understand absolutely how you feel. Please take strength from those who are around you and give yourself time to breathe. Take care of yourself and know we are here for you :)
Hi! I am very sorry about your last two years.I hope you will overcome these difficulties and live healthily.I think you are a strong person.Good luck to you...
I'm very sorry to read about your losses and my condolences are going out to you. If you ever need anything feel free to send me a message. In situations like these it forces you to examine your own life and realize how short it can really be and not to let anger, hatred, or negative energy consume your existence. Thank you for sharing your story, as it makes me remember and realize the importance of living in the moment.
Thank you, yes you just never know what's before us. I guess that is a good thing. I will follow you I'm sure I will need help.
Yeah, I think not knowing is the best way to go isn't it? If we all knew what the future held for us (both good or bad) it drive us all crazy. Thanks for following me, and if I can help you with anything I most certainly will :)
My heart bleeds for you as I read your story. I lost my father exactly one year ago tomorrow. I moved back home to be with my mom after he passed. It is so hard losing those we love so much.
Yes, I lost several people in my life in such a short time. I really don't know how I survived. I also, have panic disorder which makes it even harder. I'm sorry for your loss, I bet your Mom is glad you are staying with her.
She is glad. I have anxiety disorder as well so I can relate to your panic disorder. And you are right, it only makes it harder. You must be an incredibly strong woman of God and I applaud you for it.
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Wow that's very well written and so sad. I never had a spouse to lose and that must be tough to go through. I have lost both parents and I know the world will never be the same without them here. i do look forward to them greeting me in the next world.
Thank you, I have a real hard time writing, so that comment inspired me. I am so sorry for your loss.