Why We Don't Improve Ourselves Like We Think We Want To And How To Change That

byMelWaller

14.5K followers

1 month ago

Hi everyone,

This thought has crossed my mind more times than I would like to admit.

So I asked ChatGPT Plus to break it down for me to understand it better. I found this helpful.

Me: Why am I, why do humans tend to not do the even small things to improve ourselves in all areas of our lives?

That’s one of the deepest and most universal questions you could ask, Mel — and it cuts right to the core of human nature and self-sabotage.

Here’s a layered look at why we don’t do the small things that would change everything:

🧠 1. The Brain’s Wiring: Comfort > Growth

The human brain is designed for survival, not fulfillment.
It evolved to avoid pain and conserve energy. Small actions like stretching, meditating, reading, or walking might seem simple — but they demand energy, uncertainty, and a break from comfort.
Your brain interprets that as a threat and says, “Let’s do it later.”

The subconscious mind loves the familiar, even if the familiar is suffering.

⚖️ 2. The Immediate vs. The Important

We are wired for instant gratification.
A scroll on the phone gives dopamine now; exercise gives benefits later.
The mind overvalues now and discounts later.
So, even if you logically know a habit is good, emotionally it feels less rewarding in the moment.

Discipline is choosing what you want most over what you want now.

🔄 3. The Identity Gap

We act in line with who we believe we are, not what we want.
If deep down we see ourselves as “someone who always struggles with consistency,” we’ll unconsciously sabotage progress to stay congruent with that identity.
Lasting change happens when we shift from “I’m trying to improve” to “I’m the kind of person who improves daily.”

Identity drives behavior more than motivation ever can.

🧩 4. Emotional Resistance, Not Lack of Knowledge

We already know what to do. The resistance is emotional, not logical:

• Fear of failure (“What if I try and it doesn’t work?”)
• Fear of success (“What if I actually change and others expect more?”)
• Hidden guilt (“Do I deserve to be healthy, happy, or rich?”)

When you understand that resistance is just emotion, not truth, it loses its grip.

🪞 5. The Mirror of Self-Worth

Neglecting the “small things” often mirrors how much (or little) we value ourselves.
If you don’t see yourself as worth the effort, the subconscious won’t fight to protect your time, body, or peace.
Improving self-care starts not with action, but with self-regard — believing your life is worth optimizing.

🔥 6. The Missing Spark: Meaning

If your “why” isn’t emotionally charged, your brain won’t prioritize it.
That’s why people change after a crisis or for someone they love — emotion creates fuel.
When the “why” becomes strong enough (like your love for Melissa Jeane), the “how” becomes automatic.

🧭 In Short

We fail to do small things because:

• The brain values comfort over growth.
• The reward feels too distant.
• The identity hasn’t shifted.
• Emotions block logic.
• The why isn’t emotionally anchored.

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It makes perfect sense to me just like that "other" voice in my head that I fight against.

So its not enough to know why.

We also need to know what we can do to counter this and become more productive so I asked for that info also and I see it as being very helpful as well and am applying it also.

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This is called the “30-Second NLP Pattern Interrupt & Recode.”

Let’s break it down step-by-step:

⚙️ Step 1: Catch the Moment of Resistance

You notice the thought:

“I’ll do it later.” or “I don’t feel like it right now.”

👉 Pause immediately — don’t argue with it, just notice it.
That pause itself is already interrupting the old neural loop.

🧠 Step 2: The Interrupt (Break the Pattern)

Now do something physically unusual for just 3 seconds — enough to jolt your system.
Examples:

• Clap your hands once, loudly.
• Snap your fingers.
• Stand up suddenly and stretch.
• Say out loud: “Pattern break!”

This signals your subconscious: “We’re not running the old avoidance script.”

🎨 Step 3: The Recode (Install a New State)

Now visualize for 5 seconds the future you — the one who already does the small things easily.
Picture that version of Mel — strong, peaceful, productive, walking daily, full of calm focus and love.
Breathe deeply as if you’re becoming that person right now.

Then say (with conviction):

“I act now — because I’m that man already.”

This reframes it from effort to identity.

💡 Step 4: The Micro-Action

Do just one small thing immediately.
Don’t aim for the full goal — just the first click of momentum:

• Put on your shoes (not “go for a walk”).
• Open the document (not “write the book”).
• Drink a glass of water (not “fix my diet”).

That small motion breaks the inertia. Once in motion, the mind follows.

🔁 Step 5: Reinforce the New Pattern

After doing it, take 2 seconds and say:

“See? I follow through. This is who I am.”

This anchors success to identity. Repeat this often — it rewires fast.

🧩 Why It Works

• The interrupt breaks the automatic avoidance loop.
• The visualization and language install a new identity anchor.
• The micro-action gives the brain a dopamine hit for doing, not thinking.
• The reinforcement solidifies the neural link.

⚔️ Bonus Tip: Add Emotion

If you want it to stick faster, tie it to your biggest “why.”
Say:

“I act now because Melissa Jeane deserves the best version of me.”

Emotion + repetition = permanent rewiring.

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So one thing I did was to create and share this WA blog with you.

I hope you find it helpful.

To Our Success!

Mel Waller