A Post For Parents & Grandparents of Biracial Kids
Hey there!
As you all may or may not know, my hubby is white and I'm black (of course, lol!) so our baby girl would be considered 'mixed', 'biracial', 'intereracial', etc. None of which really has been a big deal to me but it is to many.
Anyways, when she was born, everyone assumed she was gonna be dark like me or at least tanned...you know, some mocha action goin' on in her little complection, lol! Well, thee mocha left the buillding cuz she's as pale as her daddy (which is fine of course).
(She's paler than this picture. The filter makes her tanned just thought it was a good pic and message)
The other day, she was playing all in the dirt. The dirt here is reddish brown clay dirt so when it got all over her, of course it changed her 'complexion'.
So when it was time to give her a bath I told her and then she says to me, 'Mama has to get a bath too.'
I said no just she was dirty.
So of course she looks at her skin and sees its the same color as mine and says, 'no mommy is dirty too.' pointing to my hands.
At this point, when I tell people I can see in their expression what they thinking. If this was you, would you be offended?
If your the dark skinned mom/dad/grandparent of a light baby, you shouldn't be offended. Its actually the oppositee coming from a three year old.
Now if its a teenager who knows better its a different story. But at three they're still learning about the world and teh way things work.
She sees her hands are brown so if mama's hands are brown they are dirty like mine...or something to that effect. They're thinking and putting one and two together.
Its a pretty beautiful thing when you break it down but initially it can seem offensive but they don't know it or mean it like that.
So I explained to her that my skin is naturally dark and her's is naturally light and theere are many different colors of skin. I told her that since hers is light that's why she sees the dirt and its the same color as mine.
I don't beat around the bush with my daughter either. I think she understood cuz she just got up and went to get her bath.
Do you think my response was appropriate? What would you have done/said?
I know some people would have smacked her in the mouth and got real offended. Is that you?
I'm not judging one way or the other, atleast if you get offended or not I mean, but I do believe that its important to look athe deeper meaning behind things.
I know one day she's going to come home and ask why her mom is darker and she's not. Or why are the other kids moms the same color as they are.
But should I really get mad at her observation or should I help her to understand what she's observing?
I believe that's our job as parents is to guide our children to understanding so they can take the knowledge and positively help otheers understand too.
I'm not really experience with the whole 'interracial' thing and I like all the different color skin tones and undertones...they make everyone beautiful and unique.
Anyways, I just wanted to share this and hope it helps others who deal with skin color differences and how to explain it to your children.
Have a good weekend :)
Marlinda
Recent Comments
19
Hi Marlinda,
Nice post, and thanks for sharing. I have two granbabies considered 'mixed', 'biracial', 'intereracial', etc. . They are about the most beautiful children inside and out.
You are doing a good job explaining mom !!
I think you did it right.
I grow up with friends from the former colonies from The Netherlands. Indonesia and Surinam and many overtime had the whole 'interracial' thing but in The Netherlands, it's not so much an issue. Me I have my whole life "interracial" relations and now already a long time married with a woman from Laos and living in Asia. I think if I look back to my friends how they were dealing with this it's an issue when you make it an issue otherwise it's somebody else his/her issue.
Hope this helps
Have a great day
Tommy
Hey Tommy!
That's awesome! I agree with you there.
'Its an issue when you make it an issue' Well said and great advice :)
Have an awesome day too,
Marlinda
Marlinda, I am white so first I must say that I may not totally understand the discrimination or stares that you face daily from people who should know better. My hope is someday we can get to a place where truly we don't judge people on the basis of their ethnicity, religion, gender or lifestyle. If this could happen I think we would live in a time of the greatest peace.
I think you are an amazing mom who wants to teach a naturally curious little girl to understand, so that she can grow up to be proud of herself and her family. Maybe if more people took a lesson or two in how you parent, we would reach a more loving and accepting next generation. Keep talking to your daughter about everything and anything, she sounds like a wonderful curious and observant little girl.
Mary
Hey Mary!
I appreciate your comments and support. The stares are a whole nother story.
I've had a woman literally come up to me and questioned me if my daughter was really my daughter strictly based on our skin differences.
She also turned up her nose and walked away shaking her head.
My hubby gets this worse than me though I have to admit but then he pays more attention than I do.
I also hope that we can get to a place where we don't judge by those things too.
Thanks for your support. I wish more people understood like you and others do but I will continue to help her.
It's not always easy but I know what my end goal is which is to raise a beautiful, confident woman so I stay focused.
Yes, she definitely is both of those and never afraid to talk about anything lol.
Marlinda
Great post , great message , as well as comments below . I thought your reply to your beautiful little girl was spot on.
Firm believer in answering a child’s question , not on an adult level but at said child’s level be it age and / or maturity level .
Then build the foundation from there .,as more questions are asked .
Thanks for your comment and support! I appreciate it.
Yes I am doing my best to help her build her a solid foundation for the rest of her life. :)
A child learns by asking questions. She is too young to understand fully at the moment but I think you handled it the correct way. It's not the color of the skin it is the person's personality.
Derek
Thanks Derek! I appreciate your comments and support. She is still learning and you are right, skin color does not matter or make a person.
Marlinda
Hi Marlinda
You and your husband must give your Daughter lots of love and tell her the truth . answer her questions as you described
All the Best
David
Thanks David! Yes she is showered with love and I do believe in being truthful with her, you are right. :)
I think you handled it perfectly. I'm white and my husband is Latino. Our kids are what we call "a mixed rainbow." :D They're all different colors and they're all beautiful. When they were little, they asked why we were different colors, but I just explained that it keeps the world interesting. That led to "Why can't I have blue skin?"
That's awesome! She's been hinting about a little brother or sister but I'm so afraid if their completions and hair are different will one think the other is prettier or better? Will one get teased more or less?
Oh I'm so nervous about all that. Did/Does these things happen with yours?
I would never favor one over the other but I know people's comments can be totally inappropriate.
Like my daughter's hair. Black people especially say she has 'the good hair' as if coarse hair isn't good. So what if the next comes out with coarse hair she's going to have to listen to people constantly saying how 'bad' her hair is whether directly or indirectly.
And I don't think a child should be subject to that sort of thing.
I'm glad you shared this with me. It's nice to meet someone who has been through what I'm going through :)
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I think that's a sweet story. It's really no different than my husband having blond hair and I have dark hair. Our kids are kind of in the middle!