The monsters are coming [Fears of a child] [Warning BIG Rant]
The monsters don't live under your bed, they live in your head.
I can't remember where I read the above quote, but it certainly rings true with the situation my spouse and I are currently dealing with. I'm very upset, so please do not read further because my "maternal—mama bear" instincts are coming out in this post... and it may not sound much like the "me" you are used to.
As some of you know, I am raising one of my grandchildren. Her mom is completely unstable and thinks that now that she has a new girlfriend in her life that she is ready to be "super mom." Yes, I am angry about this. She has moved all over the United States, hoping from partner to partner and living on the street among other things and places.
The reason I am angry is because she pops in and out of my granddaughter's life as she pleases, never once giving thought to how confusing this is for my six year old granddaughter!
So last week, "Super Mom" calls and tells her daughter—who she hasn't seen in over three years—that she is coming to see her.
All night long my granddaughter was up crying and saying, "The monsters are coming to get me!"
Because my spouse and I have full physical custody and 50% legal, we debated about this for several hours. Do we let her "mommy" come in and undo what we have worked five and a half years to "fix" when she abandoned her on our doorstep so she could go off and do drugs and do whatever suited her?
I want so bad to believe that my granddaughter is wise enough to understand, but she is six. And because her "mommy" knows that she really wants a "sister" mommy got with a woman who has a daughter, too. That is all we have been hearing is how our granddaughter has a sister now!
I would love it if this was a happily ever after tale, but alas, we have seen this pattern of behavior over and over and over again. And you know who gets hurt? My granddaughter.
I am terribly sorry for this rant, but I am just so tired and scared. My granddaughter is with her mommy, her mommy's new fling and her "new sister." with the supervision of her auntie. I am scared because my granddaughter is so easily manipulated and I have already heard it in her voice that the manipulations of her "mommy" are taking seed in her susceptible little mind.
I am so happy, though, that I know my granddaughter will be coming back to me and my spouse. Right now, while she is visiting "mommy" I am just having a very hard time. For that, I apologize. I just needed to talk to someone about this. My spouse and I are fervent in our desire to raise our granddaughter in the best way and as free of this sort of drama as possible.
Thanks for reading my rant... I will be so happy when Wednesday night is here and my granddaughter is back safe and sound with us!
Best wishes,
Karin 😁
Recent Comments
27
Might comment further later..but..please pay attention to what your grand daughter said. The monsters are coming..is a very real statement to her.
Take this from someone who knows and is now an adult..those monsters can linger in the back of your mind into adulthood.
Karin, I apologize if i'm speaking out of place. But honestly, your granddaughter hardly even know who she is and doesn't know her partner at all. Does your daughter have a right for overnight, let alone several days, unsupervised visitation? I know you said her auntie is there for supervision, but does that actually count? If i were in your shoes, I'd welcome my daughter to day visits in my presence only. If she's not happy with that, she can just disappear for a few more years until that child turns 18.
Again, I apologize, I know this is a sensitive subject, and i know we are all supposed to feel 'family love'. But that child comes first.
Prayers for you, your husband and mostly your granddaughter, my friend.
Patty
"The monsters are coming to get me!"...That phrase breaks my heart.
I feel for you and your husband, and I can understand what you're feeling. My daughter is facing something similar in that my grandson's dad is asking to come back into his life. My grandson is 6 years old as well and has only seen his dad a handful of times in the last 4 1/2 years for about an hour each time.
His dad is someone who is a habitual liar and was a drug addict. When he moved out of town, he refused to formally acknowledge that my grandson was his so that he couldn't be sued for child support. My daughter got a great job and didn't pursue anything from him.
My grandson has started asking about his dad more, and we have to be careful not to say negative things. We know that as he gets older, his dad will do what he always does and lie about everything that's happened. So anything negative that we say will just make the lies seem plausible to a boy who wants to believe that his dad loves him.
My daughter is very worried about his dad coming back into his life because it appears very unlikely that anything has changed. In fact, about 6 months ago someone tried opening up credit cards in her name, and she found out it was him.
I'm going to tell you what I tell my daughter. Trust in the love and bond that you have with your granddaughter. You've created a warm, loving, safe environment for her, and no matter what happens, the strength of that foundation will always be there.
I'll be thinking about you and sending prayers to give you strength until you get her back in your arms again.
Janelle
Hi Karin, very soon you will have her back! I am sure you must be teaching her to be strong and forgiving but not forgetting to avoid falling back in trouble. Best wishes to you and the cute little girl. Also, hoping your daughter gets well and good. Ash
Oh my goodness Karin. If I were you I imagine I would feel the same way. What sounds like fairies and unicorns (suddenly coming back into her life with a new "sister") is not reality. I don't think it is at all fair to your granddaughter since the situation could likely change again and the "sister" could be gone.
You are right to be concerned. I am glad she will be back with you soon!
Jessica
I'm usually pretty good at coming up with something logical to say in most situations, but I honestly have nothing. My daughter and I rarely speak and when we do no matter how pleasant I am something still goes wrong. All I can say is I feel your pain and send you love and light
and if that is your granddaughter in the picture, wow she favors you so much I thought it was your daughter, but I guess she is giving birth doesn't make a parent.
Karin
I feel your pain and concern. I am sending you well wishes for her mommy and hugs and prayers for you and your spouse. Stay strong. That is what your Granddaughter needs the most is your strength and stability.
Michelle
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please tell me how it works
Dude, sorry, take a look, i think you're on the wrong post.