Overcoming
Just to let you know, this post is completely about my personal life. I am simply sharing it because I needed to get back to writing again and wanted to let you all know why I haven't been very active at WA for a bit. It is also to thank you for being there for me during this difficult time in my life. If you don't want to read it, that is fine. I won't know if you did or did not. If you do want to read it, I hope it actually gives you some inspiration knowing that there is hope whether it feels like it or not!
Overcoming...It has been a bit since I last gave an update on what's been going on in my life. Well, let me tell you, it hasn't been much!
Outside of making a pot of coffee or two a day and drinking said coffee, I haven't been doing a lot. This breakup of my marriage is really tearing me apart at the seams.
However, I am still holding onto a ray of hope. I lassoed that ray a few months ago and I just keep hanging onto it for dear life!
That ray of hope?Well, part of it was coming back to Wealthy Affiliate and starting back on my business.
The other part was a selfish ambition to overcome this monumental loss.
Doing the research...So, as all researchers do, I looked up stuff!
I began with a simple one: How to overcome a marriage breakup...
There's a lot out there and a lot of it is pure hogwash! It is not the sort of thing you want to hear...at all!
For example: "You are better off," "You can make the best of this," "You are amazing and don't you forget it!"
I hope you get the idea. When your heart feels like it is breaking, has broken, you don't want to hear these words! You don't want to read them. You sure don't want to think they might be true!
But, as I mulled these words over, I tried to look at the positive side of them.
You Are Better Off...Well, not really in a lot of ways, but in some ways, I really am better off!
I'm still fairly new to this idea that I might be better off, so bear with me.
Here are a few ways I could be better off:
- I will spend way less money.
- I have cut our garbage by over half! That means I could lower my garbage bill!
- I can stay up late and I don't have to explain my actions or reasons to anyone!
- I get to spend a lot more time with my granddaughter!
- There will be a lot less fighting about money! (Mostly because I won't have much of it!)
These are all great ways I could be better off! If my spouse returned tomorrow there would have to be some boundaries set because I like these things and I would want to keep them!
You Can Make the Best of This...Certainly. We all have the ability to make the best of any circumstance that comes before us. As we all know (or will someday come to realize), our minds are powerful. We can change how we feel about things at any moment.
How can I make the best of this? I haven't got that all figured out yet. But some of them are in the "you are better off" category above!
Another way I can make the best of this is that I can start to really concentrate on my business plan and strategy. I will have the time to do it. Even as a single parent, I will have more time because I won't have to devote any of my extra time to my spouse! I was already doing all the cleaning, laundry, dishes, etc. Now, I won't have to spend that "extra" time taking care of the spouse's needs!
You Are Amazing and Don't You Forget It...This is probably the hardest part. When someone to whom you have devoted 27 years of your life decides they no longer want you to be a part of their life, it's hard. It's more than hard. I don't know if I have a word for it.
It's kind of like your heart is getting slowly sucked out of you by a straw. It isn't all done at once. It isn't fast. And it is agonizing at times. You know, like if you are drinking a strawberry shake and a chunk of strawberry gets caught in the straw and you suck on it like crazy to try to get the chunk to move up the straw.
There are times when it feels like that if that makes any sense.
But to remember that I am an individual person, that I have worth outside of my marriage, that is the hard part to remember. To remember that there is still a reason for me to keep moving forward every single day.
Still Overcoming...I don't anticipate getting over this quickly. It is like death and I am grieving. I am missing my spouse. I am missing the companionship. I feel lost sometimes. I break down and cry about things randomly! I think about holidays coming up and spending them alone. There is a lot that the mind thinks about.
But I have a post-it note on my desk that says, "I am not alone" and I have to remember that I have a lot of family and friends that will comfort me through this loss.
I hope you all have a great week and remember, there are different ways we can look at situations and at words and feelings to describe those situations that may help us become overcomers.
Karin
Recent Comments
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Hi Karin,
Grieving such a loss is very painful, I am sorry to hear you are going through such pain. Thank God for your granddaughter who sometimes takes your mind off the pain. But you want to know something Karin, we are a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Start where you are. This too shall pass. You've got this.
I'm so sorry you are going through this Karen. But you are showing great insight.
I went through the breakup of a relationship many years ago. At the time it was devastating and terribly painful, but looking back it was the incentive to move on to a richer, better life.
You will find ways to move on and build a new life that you love. You have your granddaughter as motivation and a foundation. I'm really sorry that this has happened to you, but go girl! You've got this! And you have a whole community here rooting for you!
Keith
Hi Karin,
I'm glad you are starting to make some sense of this. Grieving a loss such as this is painful and its these emotions that make it difficult to see a positive side. We really can't be negative and positive at the same time.
I got divorced in 2012 and channelled all my energy into work/savings to start a new life in 2014.
Here I am 8 years later now living in the Philippines (from USA). I am married again and have a beautiful 2 years, 9 month old daughter.
We can't see the future when we are in pain, but anything is possible if we are open to it.
Best wishes!
Mel
I actually know exactly what you are going through, Karin! I have been separated from Monica for probably over 2 years, I have actually lost track! I'm sure we are friends, but she wants nothing else to do with me other than that!
Hang in there, but I do feel your pain, especially at the Holidays!
Jeff🙏
Please, you are the fit person to advise and encourage Karin, you have gone through the experience and you know what it means. Please do what you can to encourage her. Thanks
I definitely will, Joseph! I do know exactly what she is going through, but I also happen to know that she is much stronger than she thinks that she is!
Jeff🙏
Great Job of getting things going.
Remember, you are writing the first chapter of your new life.
You can do this and make this chapter say whatever you want it to say.
As you have the ability to plan and write, you will just need to believe your next chapter will be the best you can have.
Rewrite your future! Make a plan. Update as needed. With that first cup of coffee every morning, read and remind yourself what the plan is for your new life, today. Make sure you are telling yourself how great this next chapter is going to be!
It's OK to cry, rant, vent whatever it takes. Keep your new plan handy and when you are done with that temporary breakdown, dry the tears, and read over, out loud your plan for your wonderful new life.
I have faith in you,
Sami
Karin, want to move to Alaska? I could use a partner in my business...we could pool time, resources, and knowledge and work on both of our sites at once.
Well, it's just an idea...not one I expect you'd want to take...but yes, just so you know, there's always another option. You just need to find the one that fits you.
Researching for ways to deal with divorce? I think that's quite smart. Of course, you get lots of things that don't match your situation at all, but hopefully, you can find some positive ways to deal with it.
I wish you hope, healing opportunities, caring friends, and a return to positive attitude. It all takes time, as you have realized, but in the end you will be more whole and stronger for your experience. I do wish you the best.
Hi Karin - I am so sorry you are going through this, my heart goes out to you.
I appreciate that not everyone wants to hear this but what Warren said is absolutely true. God, NEVER leaves or forsakes us. I went into a severe downward spiral when my wife told me she had lost interest in staying married to me, she didn't even love me anymore. I wasn't perfect but I also wasn't a bad husband and father. My only regret is that I didn't recognize her depression, she hid it well and I never pursued it. It was heartbreaking. Your strawberry example is right on, by the way. We were married 29 years at the time.
I was lost, but God reminded me that he was there and I believed that. I slowly turned back to Him and things started changing in my life. My wife saw the changes in me and she was going through her own changes and eventually came back and we are a totally different couple today. She has lost any traces of depression as well. I believe these were miracles because we were headed for a nasty, bitter, and heart-wrenching divorce, without a doubt.
I never share this story but your story touched my heart. I know nothing takes the pain away but God can open new and exciting doors when you are at your lowest.
Praying for you,
Kevin
Karin, I do not want to say I understand what you are going through. I have no such experience and I do not want to have it. But there is a friend that sticks and that is Jesus Christ. Let him fill that void left by your spouse. You will certainly overcome and continue to overcome. May the good Lord strengthen you.
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Hi Karin, I remember from the first time I was here. I am so sorry about your marriage. You can grieve as long as you need to. Yes that is wonderful that you have family and friends to get you through.
And you won't be alone for the holidays. Don't worry about your spouse, it is his lost and like you said you are an individual. The holidays is for celebrating thinking like this Thanksgiving you are grateful for your health, your children, and your grandchild, and another family members and then your friends. And Christmas is for rebirth so think like this it is your rebirth to a new life. New Years is a new beginning.
I hope this helps you out because I don't want to see you sad anymore. You have your business to build up and you have many things going for you. So no worries okay. Feel free to PM me at anytime.
Mary