Hard For Me To Say
Hi WA friends,
Many of you have very kindly been reading and commenting on my recent blogs. When I say commenting, I really mean supporting with your replies. I now feel confident enough to let all of you know my personal health issues.
This is really difficult, even writing this down, I feel extremely embarrassed. The year 2016 has been a shocker. A complete trail of problems, one thing after another. (please see my previous blogs).
Well with a deep breath as I am now very nervous. On 31/05/2016 I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety, my Doctor (GP) said she was refraining me from work for a month which is the maximum time allowed with the first medical certificate. Since then my Doctor wrote another medical certificate for 2 months and at the end of August for another 3 months. This takes me to the end of November 2016.
My thoughts about my life, is it worth carrying on etc, was not a good place to be in. My wife, as you know from my previous blogs has been trying to recover from her surgery. But the fortunate thing for me is that she is a Mental Health nurse in a managerial role, and very qualified.
My wife is very supportive because she understands mental health, some people don't. It is not a physical illness, I look fine, I walk my dogs etc etc. Morning's are extremely the most difficult part of the day, which is normal for depression. I do keep myself to myself, try and avoid people I know by hiding or walking in a different direction. You always wonder what folk are saying when they notice you out and about. My self confidence has taken a bashing, if something goes wrong it really gets to you, as opposed to a normal reaction. Times the normal reaction by 100 and that is me.
I am under the Consultant, CPN (community nurse) and my Doctor (GP). I can not say the "P" word for mental health as this makes me embarrassed. The Consultant is in the process of changing my medication due to what I am on being unsuccessful.
I have only mentioned a couple of things regarding my depression, there are many more which I feel ashamed about. The Anxiety is also horrible, I have a continuous dull ache in the chest area. The only way to explain this dull pain is imagine you are attending something that makes you feel so nervous, tired, butterflies in the stomach and wish it would be over with. This is me only it never subsides, it is always with me.
Believe it or not you wonderful friends, have given me the confidence or "medicine" to share this with you. It has taken 4 months to put something down on paper, it has not been easy but it is the least I could do to thank you.
PS. Washing Machine update..... washing machine engineer arrived today, but he diagnosed the motor has packed up, this in turn has blown the electronic board and also the electronic door lock. A week without the washing machine has now going to move into 2 weeks, the parts will need to be ordered from the manufacturer.
Surely life can't continuously kick you when you are at rock bottom anyway, what is the point.
Wishing all of you every success you deserve, what an amazing bunch of guys and gals you really are. Words don't cover the goodness, helpfulness and supporting your friends here at WA. Nothing is too much trouble.
Thank you,
John
Recent Comments
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Dear John, I have a question Why would you worry what other people think about you? You worry already what you think about you. I learned a lot about depression from Byron Katie, worked with her for years. I could tell you about what helped me, only if you want to hear that. Have a good day,Marion
Hi Marion, My CPN (community nurse) said the same thing. He said, how do you know what other people are thinking about you. Basically it is me putting words in their mouths, so to speak, but with the help of my CPN I am trying not to second guess folks minds. You could PM me your experience if you could, I understand though if you didn't.
Thank you,
John
John,
You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.
There are many things we can handle, and there are some that we cannot.
Times have changed dramatically and we all have had to take on burdens and stresses that our predecessors could never imagine. In addition, the understanding of mental health has evolved to an understanding of where now we know that the outcome of our decision making is not only influenced by our intelligence, but our mental biochemistry.
The thing is, we know can find the problem to where we can fix it. There now are answers to the questions of the mind and how it works.
We all need help at some point in our life. I am truly happy that you have found the help and support you need. You will be well back on your path to success in life my friend.
We are all here to walk with you.
All my best,
Greg
Thank you, Greg. Knowing this community I managed to have the confidence to share my illness, which I have kept to myself for months.
John
I truly wish mental health did not have the stigmas attached to it that it seems to. If everyone could openly admit how extremely common these issues are it would make so many lives easier.
Many mental health issues are caused by physical conditions or deficiencies in required nutrients. For example, magnesium is critical to mental health and handling of stress for the entire body. You cannot survive without it. Your heart cannot pump without it.
Most American's (and others around the world) are deficient in magnesium! There a number of reasons for this including soil depletion due to intensive agriculture, loss of nutrients due to transport and storage of foods and processing of foods, and also due to the stressful nature of the modern world. If you are under more stress you need more magnesium.
Here is the really important part, blood tests will not detect magnesium deficiency since your body will leach magnesium out of your bones in order to maintain the level needed in the bloodstream! Your body could be starving for this necessary mineral and your doctors won't even know it!
I learned all this through my own deficiency causing muscle cramps that would not go away, muscle weakness, joint pain, bursitis etc. My husband needs it for depression and my Dad needed it for heart arrhythmia! He was able to stop taking nitroglycerine when he took magnesium. This is because calcium allows muscles to contract and magnesium allows them to relax. You need both for your hearth to function correctly and to avoid hardening of the arteries!
My husband has PTSD from the war in Iraq as a U.S. Marine. It was horrible, with the anxiety, paranoia and depression. It was like he had bipolar disorder. Our wonderful naturopathic doctor recommended he take lithium orotate. It is a natural form of lithium (as opposed to the pharmaceuticals that use a very dangerous man made form). You can take a much smaller dose of this natural form and don't have the dangerous side effects.
It works! I can tell if he skips a dose and he can too.
If he snaps, he probably forgot to take it. It does not solve all the depression but it allows him to control his anxiety and mood swings and saved our marriage and his sanity!
Sorry for such a long post but I really want to share this information with as many people as possible!!
There is no reason to be embarrassed because of a health condition. Of course that is easier said than done! I have been embarrassed too!
Hi Jessica, after reading your very informed comment I hope your husband PTSD is well controlled, same for your father's heart arrhythmia. Are you in good health now Jessica ?? I pray you are due to being through the "mill" yourself. If things can get a little easier, you certainly deserve it.
John
Thank you John for your thoughts and wishes. My Dad passed away from leukemia two years ago this September. My husband is doing much better than before but it is still a struggle as he feels so frustrated at not being able to get a better job. He went to college after the Marine Corp and got a double major, doing very well and graduating with honors. Unfortunately, the job market is so tight nobody cares about the degree now. It seems a bachelor's degree is now worth the same as a high school diploma was a generation or two ago.
He is stressed about money and feels like he is a failure in that regard. I try all the time to reassure him that I care more about other things and we are really ok.
I am thankful we found some supplements that help though. It has made a world of difference!
I am able to walk and keep my job so I am better than I would have been without all the supplements. I am even able to go for short hikes now which I couldn't do for several years! That is encouraging. I am in the process of getting diagnosed with an autoimmune condition. I have learned to adjust every aspect of my life but I am ok.
Hi Jessica, I lost my brother to cancer about 12 months ago. I wish you the very best life can give you and your family.
Thank you,
John
John, I duff my hat for your confidence and courage sharing your journey and challenges. The wonderful thing is that your wife has a good understanding of this situation and will continue to give you first hand support. We, as your community here will also continue to support you with morale support.
This place is a great cheer me up machine. I wish you well.
Hello Chuka, I sat on my little secret for months. But after sharing with you lovely guys and gals, I knew the strength and support would be written.
John
Thank you for sharing. Just always know that you are not alone, there are a lot of people who struggle with and learn to cope with depression and other mental health issues. Hopefully after sharing your thoughts and feelings it gives you a little bit of relief inside. One thing I have seen work for many people, myself included, is when feelings get overwhelming writing them out on paper or in any kind of a journal gets those feeling out so they don't keep building up inside. I wish you great success in your life and your business.
Hi Linda, I see you are a Psych nurse also. As I mentioned in my blog, mornings are not good. You will know this in your profession, depression and morning's don't work well together. I just want to hide under the blankets in bed as it is a safe place. Curtains remain closed etc.
I force myself to get up, thank's to my dogs needing a walk and my wife having mobile difficulties. I don't want to be like this and hopefully in the future will get back to normal.
John
Thank you for your courage in sharing this, John!
Just a quick thought, you might want to check out extremely finely ground quinoa as the first meal every day, check the infos on the internet.....
Do of course ask your treating professionals if they think it's ok.
All the very Best to you on your life journey, may you find happiness, and more of it every day.......
Cheers,
Therese
Again, thank you for doing so.
I respect you greatly for facing this life challenge at such a level of openness.
John,
It is good to share these things and I think most of us have had our challenges at one time or another. My sister was suffering from chronic pain and depression for four years and is now living pain-free and the meds have lifted her depression as well. I pray that you will keep the faith!
Erica
Hi Erica, I have just started my new medication yesterday. Hopefully it will work better than my previous one's. Having the same result as your sister shall be my goal.
Thank you,
John
John, I've been there, done that and bought the T-shirt. Myself and my daughters battle with depression and the girls also suffer with anxiety. We are all on meds and there is no shame in it at all. In fact I admire your bravery because the more this is spoken about, the less the stigma becomes. Always feel free to PM me at any time you want to rant, talk or cry - take care my friend :)
As have I Jude, I know where you are coming from.
We have to understand and support our friends in our hour of need :)
Cheers and all the best from Tosh ;)
Hi Jude, Knowing the WA community quite well now I eventually had to release my personal problem. It is only when you make things public, how common depression and anxiety is. It saddens me to read your similar circumstances, I hope the health works out for you and your girls with a full recovery.
I started my new medication yesterday, so will see if this helps better than the previous tablets.
PS. In North Scotland today we had a beautiful warm sunny day. What was Staffordshire like today ??
Thank you,
John
Hi John,
I totally understand you and there is no shame in what you say or embarrassment in it.
I have coped and gone through a hell of a lot of what you talk about here and I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel.
If you need a friend to talk to and help you, please PM me and ill help all I can as I suffered in silence for many years.
Please be strong and it does get better.
Enough of WA members would surely give there time and advice to help you at this difficult time.
Hang in there matey ;)
Cheers and ask us all for support.
A dear friend for you, Tosh ;)
Hi Tosh, Not surprised with your response pal !!!
With friends like Jude, Mike, yourself and ALL WA members comments, this can only help in thinking, perhaps life is not all doom and gloom and maybe a brighter future.
Thank you,
John
Lovely to hear a positive response, I know it's hard but stick with it!
We all need support and help!
Good happy times will come for you!
Message me any time at all when you need me ;)
You are most welcome, you're friend, Tosh.
See more comments
John we think we live in an enlightened world but the stigma of mental illness always has a way of creeping up. You'll find most families are affected with it in one form or another. I suffer with depression myself so I know where your coming from. It's all about chemical imbalance. Give your new meds a chance and don't be ashamed about something you have no control over. It might take a bit of time but you'll start to feel more yourself again. By being courageous and talking about it you'll find you have a lot of friends here.
Ann
Hi Ann, it is very surprising how common depression and anxiety is. The WA friends giving support is overwhelming sometimes because they really mean what they say. I have been on the new meds for 3 days now, they seem to make me quite drowsy but it is early days yet. My Consultant is due to see me in about 10 weeks to see how I am getting on with the new medication.
Thank you,
John