Why do you hide behind your words?
Did you ever notice on social media, especially on Facebook? People attack each other, blame each other, say rude words to each other, the thread is longer and longer, filled with unfruitful controversies - to name it slightly. Actually, what is going on there is often really intolerable and inappropriate for adult human beings.
Why do they behave so? - BECAUSE THEY CAN
They can pour their anger and frustration on others, just as they like and cannot really be held responsible for their behavior because they are anonymous. Fancy names, no photos, no contact information. Well, what is easier than that?
And you, on the other side of that: HOW DOES IT FEEL to you? Are you happy when someone behaves so improperly? I guess not.
Would the same people behave in the same way if they were PUBLIC, their names, telephone numbers etc? I doubt it.
Would those people behave in a similar way when they looked into your face and you in their's? Probably not.
What is your experience here? Isn't it true that people normally behave decently when they are face to face to the other person? The educational limits are high enough to allow a certain level of communication - which often falls apart when people feel to get away with it, to not being seen and noticed.
Connecting to my previous blog about trust: We should make the effort of showing our face and who we REALLY are to enter into real contact with other people. Writing wonderful books or articles - and then in person be and live something completely different is certainly not what we want to see in an evolved society. What Kant or Rousseau did, then, must not be a paradigm for the 21st century.
Come out from behind the keyboard!
You might say: "well, you write, too". Right, because I CANNOT publish videos here, but I would love to meet you face to face, soon.
That's me last August. The size of the pic was not intended, but somehow fits into the context
Recent Comments
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Since I joined wa I just started acting less and being more real. Everybody I see hating... I just take it as a waste of time for them since the most hated people dont even care what people think anyway
Yes, it is a waste of time - and your life energy, which would be pulled away by those encounters.
I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. —Maya Angelou
Great quote, and it is true. The emotional level is mostly overlooked and the importance not seen in our societies, but they actually rule our lives. Even scientist which you would believe to be more based on rationality, most of the time they are not. They are humans, and humans are emotional beings in the first place, with a little bit of rationality on top (hopefully.....)
You are so right to point this out. I have had to unfriend many people because of the terrible things they say about others. There just seems to be a lot of anger around.
Yes, the anger is a reality. People are unsatisfied in their jobs, in their families, in politics wherever. But instead of going into the area and transforming it the push it out on others and the augment the negative energies where constructive solutions are ever more difficult to reach
I have problems with FB, because of this, I just tell them to be nice. I do not want to hear it.
We are living in times of a missing communication culture. Communication in itself is not good and helpful if it doesn't respect certain basic ethical guidelines. They are not present in FB or maybe they should be watched by the administrators of the groups. I don't know, but I certainly don't like the platform.
I totally agree with you. There's always a story on the news lately about someone being hurt as a result of bullies on FB.
Like you say...they're anonymous.
Personally, I never liked FB and don't use it although I should for my website. I just don't have time or desire to read about what people had for breakfast (as an example).
Thanks for posting,
Karen
I totally agree, I don't like Facbook at all, I was drawn to G+ as the level was much higher with the people I was connected. With all the changes on G+ most of my friends have disappeared there, (sad). Facebook should bring out the word of what you do, but they make you pay - which I don't like, too.
This is one of the down sides to the computer world we life in, I'm afraid, I try and see all the good that it brings, it keeps you instantly connected to people, even those that live thousands of miles away.
I must say FB has had it's day as far as I'm concerned, as you say it's a lot of people talking about a lot of nothing.
Hi Sandra, everything has 2 sites, as you say!
I love the new world open by computers. What I am aiming to is video live connections instead of only writing. This is almost as good as personal contact. Check out my last post on that!
Perhaps that is why I don't have a lot of FB friends. Or why I only have relatives and friends on FB who say nice (but sometimes superficial things) as I did get into family squabbles as some relatives would say sharp and nasty things, without even fully understanding what was really said in the first place.
Now, I avoid anything controversial, such as anything political, religion or international. If we can't have a civil discussion about our differences and be willing to learn from each other, I would rather not talk about it with others.
And I don't like comments in articles that just get ugly and stupid. Life is just too short and meaningful. There are more important things to do.
I prefer conversations and activities in which we bring out the best in each other.
I fully agree with you, Myra. I normally leave the scene, online or in person, when the discussion gets too silly or even destructive, angry, resentful etc...
Facebook is surely not my favorite platform, for many reasons. Maybe with family and friends it makes sense, not for so many controversial groups I have looked into.....
"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." - Oscar Wilde
But remember, when he tells his masked truth to you - he also tells the truth about himself. ;-)
In that sense, you are completely right! He tells the truth about himself as an angry/unsatisfied or whatever person. This is alright as long others are not hurt by THEIR truth.
Whether or not you are hurt by the words of angry, foolish strangers is entirely up to you. Here's why:-
If what they say is true - you may have a problem to address. Look at it. Deal with it. Or not. As YOU choose.
If what they say is false - then they ... let's just say ... are not the sort of people you'd invite to tea. Why would ANYTHING such a person says matter to you?
Then there's the "insult that's true." Like racism. But insulting a person for the colour of his skin is about as meaningful as insulting an apple for being green instead of red or red instead of yellow. Seriously - is that the best the racist can do? Call a Starking red? ...??
Eleanor Roosevelt turned my life around - no other person in all of human history has had a greater effect on me personally than she:-
"No-one can humiliate you without your permission. Don't give permission."
;-)
I fully agree with you, Cate. We are ALWAYS collaborating in communication. Feeling hurt often has to do with triggers from our past conditionings. And yes, it is good to look at them.
But that doesn't mean that we allow other people to treat us as a doormat. It is just an unhealthy surrounding, an energy which is not good, if it has to do with your own story or not.
My point was to suggest a way of communication where these people have a harder time to express themselves in such a negative way - because of the shame which they might still be in contact with. People normally don't want to be exposed personally, but if they can get away with it without being caught, they behave differently. BTW. all humans have this tendency, at least until a certain level of personal development
So what do you want to do?
Hop on a plane and go confront them - with the media cameras in tow? (I'd imagine the producers of shows like Jerry Springer or Cheaters might take you up on it?) But do you really think you will shame such people? I think they'll revel in the limelight and their 15 minutes of fame, and the few you do shame will only be those half-decent at heart anyway.
I'm not absolutely certain of many things but I am of this:-
Everyone will never always be nice; only ever say nice unhurtful things - or agree 100% on ANYTHING. And if we ever find ourselves in such a world, it will no longer be a human world - it will be a HIVE world.
The online solution to this problem is extraordinarily simple: places like FB/Twitter/Google/whatever only need to set up a feature that allows their users to tag people/sites etc to be "Ignored."
Another entry on the side menu - "Ignored List."
So why don't they?
...Might it have something to do with .... advertising revenues?
So true Heidi - there are a lot of keyboard warriors out there who wouldn't dream of speaking the same way to someone's face :)
Absolutely. We need to get transparent to each other. That will force into good behavior those of us who are not willing to give up the rudeness for their own reasons
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"Why do they behave so? - BECAUSE THEY CAN"
No. Everybody CAN but everybody doesn't.
So they behave so - BECAUSE THEY ARE SO.
They're (inadvertently) telling you what sort of people they are.
Well, yes. On the other hand they are "poor sows", as we say in German. They, psychologically seen, are so totally unhappy and unsatisfied that they have to project that outside on others and the world. But that is not a reason for us to tolerate their behavior. I was asking for a way to improve behavior, and certainly showing up in person instead of incognito would change a lot.
There's no showing up in person with a stranger on the other side of the planet and even if it was possible - and well, I can think of better people and reasons to get my a into gear about.
So how can you "improve" their behavior?
By limiting their access?
But how do you limit their access without limiting mine?
They are most certainly and ABSOLUTELY not worth losing a dime for - let alone something as valuable as the freedom to speak my mind.
There's no freedom from insult or getting your feelings hurt ANYWHERE in this world - there's only the freedom to grow a thicker skin.
Well, yes, this is certainly the case.