Sigh. Is this it for me?
I don't know if I'm allowed to create these type of posts but anyway.... Today really has me thinking about my life. I try so hard at a lot of things but nothing ever seems to work for me. For those of you who don't know who I am, I'm a 19 year old aspiring online entreprenuer from Malawi. I've been trying a lot of stuff online for almost 3 years but nothing has worked. Maybe I wasn't doing it rightI don't know but one thing I do know is that everything I did, I gave it my all.
Anyway that's not the main topic. This is about what happened today and it's giving me a lot of stress. To understand today i'll need to tell you what happened yesterday.
For a while my dad's been going out to play pool and comes back just before dinner. Recently he joined some uh I guess you can call it a club that plays cards. So he just had dinner and left for the card game issue. He came back at 4am today and my mother obviously wasn't happy with that.
So this morning he goes, "Let's go out for lunch" because he knew what he did wasn't right. So knowing that my mother wasn't in the mood to go anywhere i said, "Can we go next weekend? There's some tension in the air today". He gets all worked up. "What do you mean tension?!" Starts shouting and calling me useless stuff like that. Says I can't tell him what to do(meaning asking him if we can go next weekend). And to be honest, I don't think I said anything wrong there.
Anyways, he also says "I want you out of my house!". And I agree that maybe it's time for me to leave the nest but I have quite a list of problems. Like I said in my bio I've never been the brightest student. So i don't have any proper qualifications to even get a job. I taught myself graphic design and website development but the city I'm in is VERY small and it's now become very crowded that job opportunities are probably zero.
I just recently joined WA but I don't even know if I chose the right niche (How to make money online). Ironic isn't it, teaching people how to make money online when you yourself haven't yet made much. Sigh. I actually thought i'd teach people as I learn but now I feel like I don't have the time to be doing that much.
I currently have about $50 left in my bank account which isn't much probably where you're from. In my country it's about MWK25,000. I thought maybe I could join WA and learn enough in this 1 month but I don't think that will be possible now. I might even have to say goodbye to it even though I don't want to. The website I created was also to help people who go what I go through but after today I just feel so down that I might just give up on everything.
I always ask myself, "Will i ever be stable financially?", "When will I get a break?" The life I have is a tough one to be honest and it's mentally challenging. I know I have to "Trust the process" and things like that but right now that won't help my current situation will it?
I'm just typing as it comes to mind so forgive me if it isn't well organized.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I just feel like everybody else's life is progressing except mine. I see my friends accomplishing things and all I can do is watch or say "That's great".
I just wish you guys could see for yourself what my life is like to really understand what I'm feeling.
And what makes it even harder is that to be able to do something online you need to invest money. Usually in USD. Now the thing is, USD is quite strong here. $1 = MKW750 and it's quite difficult for me to make that on my own. Even more so because of the city I'm in.
Man...I'm just exhausted from thinking so much now.
Recent Comments
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I am truly sorry for the situation you are in. I can see you are pretty low today, but sometimes it is amazing how different you can feel the next day. From reading your post, I would say that you have a lot going for you, and I believe you wrote a very inspiring article. It made me want to keep reading it. I believe you have more to offer than you realize. I wish you well.
Hey
This blog coming from a 19-year-old is very impressive you are not afraid to wear your heart on your sleeve. There could be your niche right there. I can tell you have definitely got something about you. Maybe you can help other adolescents. You are an entrepreneur in the making. Saying this I total understand that you can't afford to make the monthly payment. But my friend with your mind. And with your drive, I am sure you will make it whatever path you choose. Drive and ambition, that I can see in your words. Good luck! And wishing you all the look in the world x
Hi Hamzah
I can see that you are having it very tough at the moment.
As far as I can see WA takes time to make money so have you tried a more short term method like Freelancer where you write for other people? You write well so maybe be able to pick up some work that way. Beware that some of these gig type websites aren't great so do your research but Freelancer came up 8.9/10 on Trustpilot based on 3306 reviews.
It's just an idea and you can always return to WA when you are more financially secure.
As Vicki says you need to do what is right for you.
I truly hope that things improve for you.
Hazel
Hi Hamzah
All I can suggest is that you always do what is right for you and follow your dreams and goals
Vicki
I get that, I really do. But it's not as easy as it sounds especially when you don't have any method of income
Yes- maybe think outside the box on this one and try to create an income around where you live
Have faith :)
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I'm sorry you are having such a low day. WA can certainly teach you how to make money online but it will take time. I can only say "stay positive" and think positive thoughts - try to keep upbeat about yourself. You do write well, so maybe you can use that talent.
Maybe find a job of any kind even low-paying for now so you can continue your training here. The Make money online niche is very competitive, maybe a different niche you have a lot of interest in would work for you quicker.
The Black Friday Special of $299/year is coming up soon. That brings the monthly fee down to just under $25/month, but you pay the $299 up front at the beginning of the year.
I'm praying for your future tonight. - shirley