The Psychology of a Jackass: When People Don’t Support Your Dreams

Last Update: March 05, 2019

"Before you diagnose yourself with low self- esteem, depression, a broken heart or a lack of motivation, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by jackasses."

~ Howard Spinney

Have you ever shared your dream with someone only to have them suck the life out of you with a few choice words of negativity?

"I’ve been thinking about starting a blog on Wealthy Affiliate, and..."

‘It’s really hard to make money online, you know... Why are you wasting your time’

Or how about this:

"I’ve been thinking about starting a blog on Wealthy Affiliate, and..."

If you gave more time to Jesus, you will have what you need, and..."

We live in a screwed-up world of insecure control freaks who quietly exist, always ready to torpedo your goals and dreams as soon as you muster up enough courage to share them.

These people are known as dream-killers, or just plain jackasses

They're EVERYWHERE...

EVERYWHERE!

You’ll find them in the family, in social circles, in the workplace, or with you in your bed at night. It could be your boss, your "significant other", your parents, your so-called pals, your husband or wife, your in-laws, your neighbor, and on and on and on...

Regardless of where you encounter toxic people, they all have the same negative tendency: they get high on "being realistic, stomping on your dreams", raining on parades, belittling your goals, just being jackasses.

“What’s that? You want to make money online with affiliate marketing?” What kind of %@#$# idea is that?"

"Dream killers aren’t only people. It can be less material factors such as fear, past failures or exhaustion. All of these take a great toll on mental and emotional energy and make it more difficult to reach your life goals."

James Norwick - alustforlife.com

How to Recognize a Jackass

This is usually how it unfolds:

You dream up a plan that excites you to the core of your being, say creating an online business through Wealthy Affiliate. It could be another goal that excites you: It may be an adventure, a daring new career path, an artistic pursuit you've always wanted to carry out.

If you have a solid, well-planned life dream that you finally want to accomplish, the first thing you'll probably do is share it with friends, family and co-workers.

You will have a few who will slap you on the back and insincerely say, “GO FOR IT,” but in life there’s always one person, in some cases more than one, who gets off on urinating on your dream.

Common Remarks from Jackasses

You might get really 'encouraging comments' along the lines of: "I know someone else who tried that and it didn’t work out for them."

Or how about this one: "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

Jackasses enjoy highlighting the foolishness of your dream, “You can’t make any money doing that.”

These dream-killers will reference "normal people" as the basis for their statements, pointing out how you’re going to fail because you’re not acting like one of them.

This is what they'll say to you: "Normal people usually just get a real job..."

"Making money online isn't practical... Isn't all that online stuff a scam? That's not what normal people do."

There’s an easy way to know if you’re dealing with a jackass. When their mouth opens up and words come out, does it:

1. Make your heart happy?

If you answer Yes, then you’re being lovingly supported. Congratulations!

2. Make your feel like your guts have just been through a freaking meat mincer?

If your answer is Yes, you’ve been blindsided by a jackass.

Here are bullet points describing the psychology of a jackass:

  • They have unfulfilled dreams.
  • Their life is mundane and uninspired.
  • Living in fear is standard operating procedure.
  • They're listing to other jackasses.
  • Blindly repeating statements that have held them back in their lives.
  • Every day they're running scared.
  • They believe that mediocrity is normal.
  • Fear of loss is always on the back of their minds.
  • They have a fear of being alone.
  • Jackasses want to keep you small and insignificant.
  • They cannot cope with change. Change frightens them and throws them off balance.
  • They refuse to take risks.
  • They live in a state of self-loathing.

How to Deal With Jackasses

Try to Talk It Out

If the negative comments are coming from a person you care deeply about, this can be particularly difficult. Try to talk it through with the individual.

Try to address their concerns one by one. Whatever you do DON'T let it escalate into an argument—try to stay calm at all costs.

What needs to be done at this point is you have to try to discuss their fears and confront them one by one, all the while firmly standing your ground.

Do NOT give up on your journey and your happiness. You have to make it clear that you're committed to your dream. If you can negotiate a happy medium, fine. If you can negotiate a compromise, fine.

Here is a word of caution: If you walk away from the conversation feeling heavy and sad, you’ve just been jackassed once again. Perhaps it’s time to consider therapy?

Just Ignore It If You Can

When the criticism is coming from a family member, or a long time friend, the best course to take may be to simply block it out. Learn to develop Unwavering Focus... Have confidence in your plans, even when you aren't exactly sure how things are going to turn out.

Just simply refuse to listen to their crap, no matter how "well-meaning" it may be.

Sever Ties with Negative Influences

Many of us have jackasses in our lives who NEVER have supported our dreams and NEVER will. Staying in a relationship with a toxic person is emotionally and mentally devastating.

If you're in a relationship with a toxic person who continually rips your ambitions to shreds, it may be best to cut off the relationship. We WILL become like the people we associate with.

If YOU don't make the choice to cut off toxic people from your life, then you will have a very difficult time realizing your goals and dreams.


Have you had any experiences with jackasses? Have your dreams been blindsided? What did you do to cope with the toxic people in your life? What advice would you give to people here at Wealthy Affiliate who are not being supported?

As I continue to recover from cancer surgery, I've come to appreciate more now than ever before how important it is to remove toxic relationships from every area of my life!

Let's Do This!

Talk Soon,

Howard

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Freedomseekr Premium
Unfortunately so very true, Howard!

It seems they're everywhere, and always have to share their "expert" advice, lol. I've had the same experience, even some of my family members in the past saying it's a waste of time, that I'll never make any money out of it, to just focus on working more hours at a "real" job like normal people do.

When I first started out, I tried explaining what I'm doing with affiliate marketing, and I'd often hear the "well, have you made any money yet..." even though I'd told them I just started out and as soon as they heard that I hadn't yet, in their eyes it was a scam. So, I just quit telling them anything about what I'm doing and kept on working at it...all their negativity just fueled my fire to prove them wrong!

Eventually when they asked if I'm still doing that "online thing" and whether or not I'm making any money, and my answer was "yes, I make money every month" they finally shut up with their "expert" advice, lol.

Anyways, I guess some people will never learn to keep their advice to themselves, that not everyone is "normal" and wants to work their life away at a 9-5 job like everyone else. These type of people just can't seem to believe in themselves or maybe it's just that they're too afraid to even try doing something different...

Just because they've lost their dreams doesn't mean we have to let them ruin ours! So, just ignore these people, and forget their advice, let it go in one ear and right out the other if you have to be around them...they have no idea what they're talking about since they've never actually tried. If you want something, I say go for it!

Being so called "normal" never amounts to much of anything great when you think about it...

Thanks again for sharing this, Howard! Excellent advice!
Best wishes :) ~Sherry
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H-Spinney Premium
Hey Sherry,

Your reply is spot on. It's obvious you've experienced the exact situation my post was referencing and you've handled it accordingly.

It's amazing to me the low response this post has received?

15 comments and only 9 likes so far...

And you wonder why many people fail when pursuing their dreams...

Excellent comments, Sherry! Thank you for taking the time to read my post and for the outstanding comments!

Talk Soon,
Howard
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Freedomseekr Premium
Awww, thanks Howard! I'm surprised too there aren't more comments and likes on this, it sure fired me up thinking of how ignorant some people were towards my online pursuits in the past, so I had to add my ten cents in, lol!

Anyways, I see the comments and likes are up more, which is awesome! Keep up the good work! :)
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TommyVTE Premium
If I did let myself influence by people they have lack of vision then I would not have my nice house on a big property in SE Asia.
Better looking back on things you try then think what if I did try that.
Have a great day
Tommy
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H-Spinney Premium
Hey TommyVTE,

Thanks for the comment!

I'm happy you had the fortitude to go after your goals regardless of the negativity around you.

Talk Soon,
Howard
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DebbieRose Premium
I really liked this post. I have certainly come across such people, as I'm sure we all have. The best way to cope is just to prove them wrong!
Debbie
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H-Spinney Premium
Hey DebbieRose,

Thank you for the kind words!

And you're correct: Success is absolutely the best way to keep jackasses at bay!

Talk Soon,
Howard
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ElaineSmith1 Premium
Hey Howard,
Thanks for sharing. There are plenty of negative people until you start bringing in the cash!

Tried and True

Elaine
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H-Spinney Premium
Hey Tried and True,

I love the "Tried and True"!

You are correct...When you start bringing in the cash, the jackasses aren't as loud and opinionated anymore.

Money shuts their mouths.

Talk Soon,
Howard
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bigrog44 Premium
Thanks for sharing, Howard.
Reply
H-Spinney Premium
Hey bigrog44,

Thank you for taking the time to read!

Talk Soon,
Howard
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bigrog44 Premium
No problem, Howard.
Reply
1signbanner Premium
hahahhaa...haha ha ha HAHAHAHHAHAHA!

You hit a nerve with me buddy! Thanks! Great, real post I can sink my teeth into.

All is downright great, One I would kind of y'know forget.
That is to argue with them people, I call the "TOXIC PEOPLE" aways have something to say cause they know everything about life there is to know,

Y'know that can't be, so how you handle them? YOU DON'T hee hee hee...I also call them "STUPID PEOPLE" and they can someone you love dearly. Can be a brother or sister, Yes go to their birthday party and have a fun time. That's where that ends my brother. YOU AVOID THEM LIKE THE PLAGUE.

Why? So simple! You lost so much time with them when you can know someone who is positive, emphathetic, simphathetic, love life and so positive. That's who you surround yourself with.

Now be sure not to challenge them or question them. In their minds they are "RIGHT" you might question right about!

You should figure out they ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO SHARE BUT BULLSLOP! Now why would you waste time with that person when you know be in a better place like talking to me! Right.

Did I boost your ego, I would say 'HELL YEAH."

Would you wanna be with me or them "Wastefully Toxic Animals?"

Great post, you made my day.

frank
Reply
H-Spinney Premium
Hey Frank,

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and for taking the time to reply.

I'm very happy I made your day.

Talk Soon,
Howard
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1signbanner Premium
that's a winnah, Howard. Thanks for posting your true thoughts! lols, like it my brother.
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SueKolman1 Premium
Thanks for this wonderful, hilarious, and So True post! When I used to try and tell folks at work what I was embarking on I always got, "So how much money have you made so far?"
I stopped talking about it and just decided to save my efforts for my website. LOVE the BLOG!
Reply
1signbanner Premium
Yep, don't let anyone steal your hopes and dreams. They know crap. Why waste precious time with them.

PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY'RE RIGHT ALL THE TIME ARE ALWAYS WRONG. Convince yourself that, that is the truth.


frank
Reply
H-Spinney Premium
Hey Frank,

I grew up in a home where my father WAS ALWAYS RIGHT. His parenting skills were about as effective as a rock.

Living with someone who's always right can be emotionally debilitating.

At some point, you've got to accept the hard truth and move forward...Especially when it comes to relatives.

Thanks for the comment.

Talk Soon,
Howard
Reply
1signbanner Premium
You have overcome your father's vices. You are free my brother, that's why you're here. You're an entrepueur. You have now crowned yourself a capitalist, that is a good quality.

Now build your empire my brother, you are no way close to what your dear father was.

Awesome post Howard.


frank
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JoanMarie Premium
I loved, loved, loved this post! It was one of the most entertaining and motivational ones I have read. I Laughed Out Loud at times, and nodded my head along with all your comments (um, the "urinating on your dream" comment? Priceless!). This is a keeper and one to share. Thank you, my friend.
Reply
H-Spinney Premium
Hey JoanMarie,

Wonderful profile picture!

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I'm very happy you derived some value from it.

I wish you much success in your online business!

Talk Soon,
Howard
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Traveller75 Premium
Completely agree with you, we just have to carry on with our own life and dreams. Now that I'm starting to do OK I had one person ask if I would build them a site like mine because they don't know how and haven't got time, In Their Dreams.

Wayne
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CandP Premium
A favorite line of ours is "are you making any money yet with that stuff"?
Yes, we have encountered these people for years and years in our bricks and mortar businesses as well.
They have now become easy to ignore and we just don't tell people anything.
Funny but meaningful post. Well done!
Colette and Philip
Reply
Showolf Premium
Re: Brick and Mortar Business
The question I would get is, "How much ARE you making?" So, I too, have found ignoring the way to go.
S
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JoanMarie Premium
I get the "are you making any money yet?" question every time I see a certain relative. I just say, it's a business, it can take years to make a profit, it is more important to keep going and ENJOY THE RIDE than to give up on something that is proven to work. Thank goodness for those like you and Howard who understand.
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HeidiY Premium
Great post Howard. Most people I talk to about my business their eyes just glaze over and they mumble “Hmm sounds interesting” (in a bored and deadpan voice).

I suppose they aren’t really jackasses, they just don’t understand. And that’s OK.

I’m very lucky to have the support of my partner, even though he doesn’t fully appreciate just how big this is going to become :)
Reply
H-Spinney Premium
Hey HeidiY,

Thank you for the comments!

Much success to you in your online endeavors!

Talk Soon,
Howard
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Showolf Premium
OH My!! How right you are. I remember starting off my Massage Practice (25 yrs ago). Everyday... seriously, everyday, this one person would call me, and tell me about another Therapist in the area. Or another Spa, and so on.
When I finally said, "Competition is a good thing! It means there's clients for all!"
That's the short story. LOL. There's no time for these people in life... unfortunately, I must admit, I have been an unwilling Jackass myself! A humbling experience.
Shaunna
Reply
H-Spinney Premium
Hey Showolf,

Great comments!

Thank You for taking the time to read my post.

Make no mistake...I've also been an unwilling Jackass on many occasions as well. LOL...

Now I work very hard NOT to have the psychology of a Jackass!

Much Success,

Talk Soon,
Howard
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