The self guilt complex

byERichardson1

1.4K followers

Updated 5 years ago

"When" I was a little boy, I spend many hours in the woods and the fields, seeking out the magical worlds of the butterflies and brother bumblebee hiding in the grass. One summer day, my friend and me were playing at a place that was always favored by a kaleidoscope of butterflies, on that day we came across a large beautiful magnificent creature that had died. We both were very excited by this opportunity to marvel at the delicacy of the wings up close, we study all the complex colors that seemed to change with ever minute in the light.

There was also thrill that we now could bring her home with us as a beautiful keepsake. However, both of us wanted the butterfly, each of us was claiming to have found the butterfly first. To settle this predicament, my boyhood best friend managed to catch another one and squeezed it hard enough to ensure we both would go home with our very own butterfly.

It was not the crime of the century, nor has it plagued me in subsequent years, yet it was the first real feeling that I can remember of guilt. I can recall my mother as if it was yesterday coming to collect me and her asking; Where did you get those? My reply was, we found them mom. The lie jarred, it was so hollow, there was almost a feeling of tightness in my throat and some emptiness in my cheat.

All the joy that we felt, when we were marveling at the beauty of the butterfly, had disappeared, and I sat in total silence all the way home, with my butterfly wrapped in tissue on my lap. When we arrived back home burst into tears and confessed absolutely everything to my mother.

I hold the belief within me that most people are doing the very best with what they know, the conditioning, the tools, and knowledge that they find themselves with in each moment. However, sometimes, on occasion, it just seems to go wrong. What follows such errors of our judgment is a dark hollow feeling, much like the anguish that I experienced with my childhood butterfly.

"If" have ever let any one down you might know how this feels. The misdemeanor could or may have been anything-bumping in the back of a neighbor's car, or a dishonest answer to your partner, claiming to be busy at work when a good friend asks for help. The result is a feeling of guilt.

When the complexities of this unwanted emotion are truly considered, however, it is possible to see it may sometimes be useful. It allows us to become clear on our core values and to make choices in the future that truly match more closely to our personality. It's important, though, not to beat yourself up about it and not to let it every fester.(we are only human), we all made mistake, but to err is very hum