My Best Advice When It Comes To Raising Children
Raising my children was the most important job I have had in my life. I love being a mom! I also love each of my children so much it hurts at times. Especially true when there are problems that happen in life, and I feel helpless and unable to take away the stress from each of my children.
The described situation segues to my advice about parenting. I think the hardest lesson I had to learn as a parent was my inability to allow my children to experience the results of their decisions. For example, when they were upset with a teacher or friend or had other challenging and anxiety-producing issues, I wanted to protect them from this feeling. I did not want them to experience any anxiety. But as I grew in my parenting skills, I realized a couple of things that needed work from me. One of the issues was that I became very anxious when my kids were upset, and I had a hard time sitting with those feelings, so I chose to act on the problem for them. I then realized my problem was that I was not allowing them to have the experience and the opportunity to figure things out independently, essentially saying without saying that they couldn’t handle things on their own.
I was giving the impression that they couldn’t handle it, which was not my intention. So I began to sit with my anxious feelings and allowed them to figure things out. There would be no more doing for others what they can and should be doing for themselves.
In a nutshell, my advice to all of you about parenting is
*Allow your children to experience some failure. Don’t try to make everything perfect for them. Let them experience some complex things. It truly does build confidence and character. When your kids are waiting for you to tell them what to do in many situations, it is time to let go and allow them the dignity of figuring it out on their own. Lovingly, of course.
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Well said Emarla, as parents we learn as go, but knowing when to let children face up to certain situations is important to do so.
I agree. When my daughter was an early teen I got her to talk to her head of year to sort out a problem, even though my instinct was to do it for her. She succeeded and grew in confidence.
Children need to learn to deal with situations themselves with an adult stepping in if it doesn't work.
Children also need to learn that actions have consequences. Sadly too many don't learn this and grow up unable to cope in adult life when consequences for their actions occur..
As a parent, the major focus of our job is to protect our children. It does not matter what the circumstances are, we first protect and then think if we should have let them learn a lesson.
At times, it is hard to let our children experience failure, heartache, or injury. As they get older, we tend to loosen the reins little by little. We attempt to manage or control the bad that they encounter.
That too is a good thing,
Canty
You are exactly right Erlene, children must experience some hardship in life in order that when they get old and raise their family they have the right to teach their own children the same as you reached to them.
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Can't agree more Erlene. I had my only daughter and been very protective with her. There are advantages and disadvantages for being protective but my mistake was that I didn't want her to experience the hardships that I went through as a kid. So everything was Dad, Dad, Dad... until its too late.