The Invisible Illness
I’ve never suffered from depression so I’ll say straight away that I have no idea what it’s like and I don’t have any personal insight to share.
However I have been affected by the experience of those close to me and it has made me much more sensitive to the illness.
It’s often very poorly understood - even by the medical profession. For instance, I was once almost diagnosed with it many years ago when I was going through an extremely tough time (divorce, financial problems, job loss) and I went to see my doctor because I couldn’t sleep.
After explaining my situation to the doctor, he wrote me a prescription for antidepressants. I immediately handed it back and said I’m not depressed - I just need a break from the stress!
So even doctors can’t always tell the difference between depression and just having a crappy time in life.
I used to think that depressed people just needed to cheer up - but having talked to people who are genuinely affected I now know how wrong and naive (and probably insensitive) I was.
It can affect anyone and sometimes it affects the people you least expect to be affected by it. Sometimes the people who seem the happiest on the outside are feeling the lowest on the inside.
As the holiday season approaches these feelings can be magnified and make it a very difficult time for the sufferers.
If I have learned anything from my experiences of interacting with friends with depression it’s to be there with a listening ear and show that you care.
Be mindful of the feelings of others. You probably have no idea what they are going through.
Recent Comments
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Great insights, Dave. And my experience only confirms what you are saying how hard it is for the doctors to differentiate whether it is depression or not.
I was in the same situation as you (divorce, financial problems, I lost my job that time as well) and I really lost ground and I really was depressed, for the first and hopefully the last time in my life.
I have always been a person who's been saying that something good always comes from something bad. But that time, I was totally down. I just woke up and had tears running down my face. I felt nothing made sense. No hope. So I went to my doc and I was prescribed antidepressants.
It did help. And after a year I felt I didn't need them so I stopped taking them. I found how to be happy again. I went a long walk and found many beautiful things, people and experiences on my way since. Now I regard it a blessing, all that happened to me that time.
Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience.
You are awesome.
Lenka
Hi Lenka. I'm sorry to hear of your difficult time but I am so happy to hear how you used it to turn things around and build towards a happier time.
I always knew that despite the tough times I was going through - I was never depressed - I was just pissed off about what was happening. I also know that we are all different and affected differently by things.
It's why I don't pretend to know how to help someone with depression, other than offer them a listening ear if they need it.
Depression can be and is insidious. For those that suffer from it, the process can be gradual and as it is their reality, it's not always easy to see that it's happening.
Getting to the root cause of the problem(s) is also not a 'walk in the park' as sometimes the seed was planted many years ago and it may take years for that to germinate and manifest into the depression of today.
Although there is still a stigma attached to mental illness, we are now more aware of the problems associated with it.
Having an advocate and support, even if that is just a listening ear, can make all the difference.
A complex subject and not an easy one to broach.
The key thing in your comment is identifying that seed that was planted, as you say - often many years ago. While treatment with medication can help the symptoms, I have learned from talking to sufferers that identifying and coming to terms with that “seed” is the first step on the road to recovery.
Totally agree Dave. Keeping with the plant based analogy, you have to dig right down and pull the whole root out, else most times it just grows back. Drugs, treatments, cognitve therapies can keep it in check for the most part but there's always a chance that something comes along that is unexpected and we dont' have the tools in place to deal with it when it does.
Great insight here. I can shed a little more light on it. My wife suffers from depression and in her case, it isn't severe, but it usually comes on with no warning.
Just all of a sudden she will start badgering herself and feeling like nothing is worth doing anymore. She gets a hopeless feeling and the worse part is she keeps driving her feelings even deeper into despair.
Years ago, I wasn't so sympathetic or had no empathy for her. I didn't understand how she could go from happy and cheery to really feeling lower than low.
Now, I listen and try to give her hope of things to look forward to. I will usually sit and read some scripture about the hope we have whether or not she is listening. But, as I said above, a spark will shine through to her and gradually she starts to bring herself out of it.
Again, her depression has never been diagnosed as severe so no antidepressants are necessary. But, it is usually a rough day or two when it hits.
Thanks for this and we all need to keep those that have lost loved ones during this season in our prayers.
I wish you the best,
Bob
Thanks very much Bob for sharing your story. I agree that it easy to dismiss or misunderstand something that you have never personally experienced.
It’s great that you have developed a method to help your wife cope when it happens
Hi Dave, we have to be , as you said, present for others to observe the signs if they are facing any inner struggle. Buy as well we need to be mindful for ourselves, to not let the depression (interference of thoughts about the past in our present), or anxiety (thoughts generated by fear of what will be in the future), to come in our way. Being aware of our present, without past or future thoughts, that will burden our mind, our lives are greatly simplified and we can truly say that we live it. In this way, being aware of our present, we can be present for others. Great article, sensitive topic.
Greetings,
Diana.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this Diana. I can certainly see lots of merit in what you say.
Much appreciated
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Wonderfully well put Dave, thank you. I've been on the wrong side of depression and I can only describe it as being stuck in a dark loop that turned and turned no matter what. The meds didn't help, they just placed an itchy blanket over me while trying to hide what was underneath. I thought being a psychologist would help. Oh really? Far from it. I came out on top and many folks don't. It's very painful in so many ways and hope seems to become an alien concept. The most difficult thing is that people would look at me and say, "oh you look so down" or, "you'll get over it". Those comments are the most challenging. Hugs for me were magical, pity rather destructive. Wow, that opened a can of worms :-)
Steve
Hi Steve. I really appreciate you sharing your experience and I hope others read it too.
As I said - I have never suffered it myself, but I have met so many people who are affected by it recently that it has made me sit up and take notice to what they are going through.
Thanks again
Dave
Hi Dave, It didn't seem appropriate above but on this blank slate, I have to say, "Oh no you didn't . . . Oh yes he did"! Sorry just couldn't be avoided, I've directed a couple of pantos :-) Which one was that?
Have a great day
Steve
Hi Steve. Good spot! Yes that was me playing Widow Twankey in Aladdin a few years ago
Nice one, Dave. I directed that one with some very stroppy cast members :-) Widow Twanky was a great guy though, very funny.
It was definitely a fun part to play. I played Dame in a few shows but my favourite roles were playing the baddie and winding up the kids in the front few rows!
Excellent! I liked the Aladdin baddie . . . name escapes me. I once played Fagin in Oliver, "alright my dears"? Jeez what a creep :-)