Casted Out? Ostracized?
Pouring Out My Heart
So I started really pouring out my heart, and I don't care anymore about being silent. I am truly surrounded by narcissistic relationships that feed off my failures, faults (usually blamed for no reason) and judgmental, critical, harsh punishers that never let me live anything down.
I was always an over achiever and loved by all. Slowly over time, everyone seemed to cast me out, ostracize me, and left me feeling estranged, alienated, isolated, unloved, uninvited, and began excluding me all together,
I never did anything to them, but they disapproved enough to keep me feeling like I no longer belong.
This kind of treatment can be brutally painful, and kills the spirit. I keep digging deeper to understand the psychology of it all.
The projection, rejection, and serious dysfunction is leading me to examine the mind and try to understand where they are coming from, why I was chosen to be the scapegoat, and how I can help others going through this awful situation.
I began writing about my parents, boyfriend, and others that seem to back stab and betray me to the point of no return.
Interested in reading? Check out escapegoating,com if you want to hear a pretty pitiful lifetime story.
God Bless,
Angel
Recent Comments
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Even if it doesn't make sense, learning about narcissistic personality disorders and sociopaths and the patterns, family dynamics of scapegoats, the golden child, triangulation, gaslighting, and projection has made me feel sane, and validated. To know that becoming aware of this sickness is not my problem, not my fault, and not as uncommon as i thought, is comforting and knowing my role and how to cope and deal with these difficult people that fuel off your failures and falls, can help give me the knowledge and know how when it comes to managing inevitable relationships (such as co parenting). When you can recognize the patterns, and learn from others that know what works and doesn't work when dealing/coping with such situations is more than just empowering, its freedom and gaining back what they have taken from you,
Not everyone has been through it, and not everyone is able to set healthy boundaries with these brutal bullies, sometimes you become lost, walked all over, and don't know how to discuss touchy subjects with others that lack empathy,
And it just so happens that I am indeed, an Angel, and at least I feel remorse when hurting someone, and I never make anyone feel not welcomed or left out. I was the one that set the bullies straight in school, and called girls out for two facing their best friend and being shady.
Im genuine, love, and hopeful. Sometimes we can't choose our family, and we have to try to reconcile things that bother us for closure and getting past the pain.
I DO care, so learning NOT to care is like lying to yourself and not addressing the situation and your feelings, and never forgiving and getting over certain things that were swept under the rug...
I'm not selling, just caring. Creating awareness and becoming an advocate for those going through similar situations and trials,
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Let me ask you something.
Do you like my approach to you? It may have seen controversial but it wasn't meant to be that way at all.
I hate drama, dad was a drama queen. So much so that the more people talk, the less I want to listen....or read.
You have a passion, a beautiful origin story and with a little paint shop pro, you could create short and sweet messages that draw people like me out of the drama...
I appreciate you more than you know. I completely understand where you are coming from, and I think that you're seeing my message prematurely.
I feel that forgiveness, self love, and setting healthy boundaries/cutting people from your life all comes in stages;
there's some people that bottle up all the unjustified feelings of cheated, done dirty, short changed situation where you know you're not a victim, and you realize the entire manifestation and letting go of those who do not serve you well....
but theres this kind of phase where you feel the need to validate your situation and self... especially when you have been invalidated by many..
then you realize that the validating is just to bring you to your self-sanity when these abusers made you feel like YOU were the problem..
THEN you realize that validating and defending is fighting a losing battle, and the redemption or reputation regaining is all irrelevant and unnecessary when you do indeed love yourself, respect yourself, and see that you are better.
BUT I feel like those steps and phases are necessary to show how you overcame hell, and how others can too.
I know its me that needs me, and self loving myself will set me free, but I also feel like its hard to forgive others without putting it all out there and admitting to someone, anyone, that YES I was traumatized and yes, I allowed that to be a battle within myself.
Thanks girl, God Bless
Angel
God Bless and I'll see you around.